Sunday, October 12th, 2008

Pwn some n00bs

This is not your father's blogmobile.

February 26, 2008

By Joshua Anderson

Apparently blogging is not cool. Bloggers- by association- are a scorned breed who, when mentioned, are met with sneers and other condescending throat sounds and their corresponding lip-curls. For a people who for the most part tout the righteousness of free speech, if only and most often for its own sake (not the wisest reason to tout anything in my opinion), and who are notorious for their love of the sound of their own voices in normal day-to-day conversation (I count myself as one of these), I find this rather odd.

For a culture whose consumption of the literary equivalent of fecal matter on a raw stick is unparalleled (see: fashion magazines, celebrity gossip), one would think that any sort of alternative to the norm would be welcomed, embraced and even gossiped about. But alas, something in us keeps us from accepting blogs, blogging and the bloggers who blog them as valid, real, bona fide, worthwhile and the rest. What is it? Is it that deep-seated American idea of working for what you have? Of earning your keep? Being handy with the steel?

I think so.

And so we ask ourselves: who do these miscreants think they are? Writing what they think without having to slave away at the literary equivalent of an oil-well, earning their vacation two-weeks at a time like the rest of us? (The "rest of us", see: quotation mark hand gestures.)

It doesn't matter now. A new breed is rising, one that will easily surpass the age of the blog if it hasn't already: the dawn of the era of the VLOG is at hand. Already our proclivity for smashing words together is seeing its secondary mutation: Web Log> Weblog> blog> Video (We)blog>Videoblog> V-blog> VLOG! And now folks, we pull ourselves from the primordial ooze yet again and slough the residue of blogging scum from our chiseled constitutions. Now we pay homage to the new ruling class: the YouTubers.

As a faithful follower of the cult of pop culture I will pay tribute to the emergent arbiters by making a top-five greatest YouTubers to date. Fall down on your knees and beg for forgiveness!

5. Dax Flame aka Bernice Juach the Third aka welcome to YouTube beeotch.

4. Magibon. The 21st Century is Absurd. Observe.

3. Cap'n Awesome. Don't know if I'd want to associate with him IRL, but he's got a corner on the free-speach-for-its-own-sake market. It was bound to happen. (*note: don't watch if you are easily offended)

2. Athene Wins. Best Paladin in the world. He's got the skilllzzzzz. Surf around the 133t King and Ipower material, and his girlfriend Tania's projects if you can. You won't stop asking yourself what is real and what isn't. (*note: don't be fooled by the "sexy" thumbnails, that's what we call really good marketing in the internet biz.)

1. The Klingonmastr. Single most under-rated and hardest working YouTuber ever.

The greatest attribute that Vloggers bring to the Digital Ethnography is their absurdity. I don't know what it all means but it seems to me to mean something. The sheer madness that results is something that bloggers never could and never will be able to emulate. It's like a whole other language, r sumthn.

Email me if you Vlog. I'll feature you. It'll be n33t.

-The Black Rabbit

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