Guy 1: Let’s slap dicks
Guy 2: You ever pee and it feels like throwing up?
Woman 1: *holding baby* He would have been safer at the Hawk
Woman 2: Oh absolutely.
Girl 1: I would never date that guy.
Girl 2: Well, it depends how much money he has.
Girl 1: I’m going to the doctor to see if I have bronchitis before I hook up with him again.
Girl 2: Yeah that’s smart so you don’t give it to anyone else.
Girl 1: No I mean I want to make sure I infect him.
Guy 1: I'm cutting some of my unnecessary costs, starting with Juuling.
Guy 2: Ight man, good luck.
Guy 1: Actually I might just start chewing
Guy 1: How was work?
Guy 2: My manager was chastising me for not dressing up in a Halloween costume, she doesn’t understand I’m strictly here to get paid.
Guy 1: I am so tired of this week, man
Guy 2: Dude it’s Monday
Guy 1: I know
Person#1: I want to be on the first ship to mars
Person#2: Not me, I doubt they have Wi-Fi
Perons#1: Yeah but at least they’re evolving up there. We’re all just devolving.
Girl 1: Um, I don’t eat pig.
Girl 2: You eat bacon all the time, bitch.
Guy 1: You better get going.
Guy 2: Yeah, see ya. I’m off to get some Adderall.
Girl 1: Are you home right now?
Girl 2: Yeah, why?
Girl 1: I bought a cat
Girl 1: I just don't understand what fishing is for.
Girl 2: I don't know. Food, maybe?
Guy: I’m just gonna have to like carry an entire box of spiders up the hill tomorrow.
Guy: Yeah, just like a hundred spiders in a box.
Guy 1: Sometimes ya just gotta give yourself a haircut.
Guy 2: Dude, you shaved half your head. That’s not a haircut, that’s a mess.
Girl 1: Can you eat fruit raw?
Girl 2: How else are you supposed to eat it?
Girl: That class is killing us. But they say rest is for the dead.
Guy: Well, at least we'll be rested.
Girl: She's not in class this semester
Guy: Maybe she's dead
Girl: Or studying abroad