Photo Illustration by Ginny Weatherman

Amidst growing concern over rising tuition costs and expanding deficits in the state budget, Gov. Kathleen Sebelius and Chancellor Robert Hemenway announced the “Organ Harvesting for Tuition” program at a press conference yesterday in Topeka. The program would offer KU students tuition breaks in return for select vital organs.

Laurie Stinnell, vice president of Office of Administrations, said she hoped the plan might subsequently discourage unhealthy student behavior. “For instance, what better way to get underage kids to drink less than to remove one of their kidneys and/or their liver,” Stinnell said. “Maybe kids would think twice about smoking if they knew they only had one lung to breathe on, instead of two.”

Robert Eday, Ottawa freshman, thinks the idea is “awesome.” “I mean KU gets something from me that I probably don’t need until I’m at least 40,” Eday said. “Instead of owing $10,000 to the University when I graduate, I’ll only owe like $8,000. It’s a win/win situation!”

The administration refused to comment on the possible destination of the extracted student organs. Several leading health service providers and Mrs. E’s cafeteria have expressed serious interest. But as of yesterday, the University hasn’t made a final decision.

The program does have some opponents, including Amnesty International, which insists that the University would be violating “almost every international law on humane treatment and fairness.” The organization suggested the University just dedicate more revenue to financial aid.

“That’s a bunch of activist nonsense,” Hemenway responded. “This plan once again proves that the University of Kansas is one of the most progressive universities in all the country.”