So I’m reading the paper today, and there’s a headline that says “Veteran fought in Army.” Really?

Whatever happened to Big League Chew?

My roommates just took me tubing on the hill, but they wouldn’t catch me, and I fell into Potter Lake. How embarrassing.

I’d like to send a warm-hearted thank you to all the buses that didn’t stop today as I stood outside in the freezing cold snow. Thanks a lot.

This poem is for Kayla: Roses are red, violets are purple, I can’t rhyme, I love you.

I want to see a bus driver listening to a book on tape.

This is in regard to the article about people stealing food from The Underground. These people need to stop telling on me. I love eating my free French fries, so don’t tell on me again.

My car just spun off and landed in the front yard of a mortuary. Is that a sign?