Not to make you all scared, but we’re eavesdropping on your conversations. Yes, we hear everything. And then we print it. But don’t worry if you say something stupid, we won’t identify you — unless you owe us money or beer.

Conversation 1

Girl (on cell phone): No, I’ll be home after I’m done here.

Girl: I know what I said, but I didn’t think this would take this long.

Girl: You’re being an ass, and I’m hanging up.

Girl: No, I don’t want to hear it, I’m hanging up. You suck, I’m hanging up.

Girl: It doesn’t matter. I have to do this, and you keep giving me shit about it. It’s not like I want to be here.

Girl: Fine, just don’t act like I’m doing this on purpose. I’ll be home when I’m home.

Conversation 2

Guy 1: Where’s the place to be tonight?

Guy 2: I don’t know. There aren’t any good specials on Friday. One place is as good as the next.

Girl 1: Let’s start at Quinton’s and go to the Hatter.

Guy 1: Quinton’s is too expensive.

Girl 1: You’re too much of a cheap-ass.

Guy 1: Maybe, but I’m not paying like $5 for a drink. We should go to Louise’s.

Girl 1: Dank, I’d tell you to buy some glass, but obviously you’re too broke.