Tom “The Hammer” DeLay, House of Representatives majority leader, has been scrutinized the past couple of months about suspicion that travel expenses for multiple trips might have been financed by lobbyists. A 1997 trip to Moscow allegedly was financed by Russian lobbyists and funneled through a mysterious company in the Bahamas, Chelsea Commercial Enterprises Ltd. Yesterday, the president of Chelsea, Chelsea Rosenblatt, came forward to admit the truth.

The now 18-year-old heiress to the Rosenblatt tennis ball fortune admitted that she helped disguise the sponsor of DeLay’s Russian trip in exchange for some personal favors.

“I’m really sorry that I lied,” Rosenblatt said. “I was only 10 in 1997. I didn’t know what I was doing was wrong. My parents set up Chelsea Commercial Enterprises Ltd. as a trust fund/kid’s first corporation for me. I had a pen pal in Russia whose dad worked at Naftasib, a Russian oil and gas company. He wanted to get money to Mr. DeLay secretly and asked if I could give it to him.”

Rosenblatt then contacted DeLay with the news but told him in order to get the money he would have to sweeten the deal with some favors. The precocious 10-year-old offered DeLay a list of demands.

“It was humiliating,” DeLay said. “I had to spend four weekends with Chelsea. During these weekends, I had to let her braid my hair. I took her to see Titanic three times. I had to play Spice Girls with her and her friends. Do you know how hard it is to dance in a miniskirt? I’m a very powerful man!”

“He was an awful Posh Spice,” Rosenblatt said. “He kept forgetting our routine and complained that his heels hurt his feet.”

The last duty DeLay performed entailed sending some Washington lobbyist friends to lobby Brad Dunklemyer into “going with” Rosenblatt. Dunklemyer agreed to the relationship but broke up with her one week later, after Sara Stevens offered to go to second base with him.

After admitting his connection to Rosenblatt, DeLay quickly reestablished his stance that all allegations of money laundering and illegal campaign contributions against him were a conspiracy by the Democrats. “This is a huge, nationwide, concerted effort to destroy everything the conservatives believe in,” DeLay said.