Now nearly everyone has taken his turn on the Whack-A-Pope machine and condemned Joseph Ratzinger — now Pope Benedict XVI — as a hard-line reactionary opposed to such universally accepted things, such as abortion and gay marriage (note the sarcasm).

But I have one key observation for everyone to ponder: Pope Benedict XVI is the Catholic pope.

I bring this up not because it isn’t obvious but because it seems that no one realizes what this actually means. We have some strange idea that the pope is a politician in a secular nation and that he ought to be upholding the ideals of the American left.

“The pope is opposed to gay marriage and abortion! He’s trying to start a theocracy! He takes his stances from the Bible! He’s highly religious! He didn’t even list ‘secularism’ as one of his top priorities!”

Indeed, as the Catholic pope, Pope Benedict’s positions and priorities are formulated with high regard to the policy of the Catholic Church.

The Catholic Church opposes abortion, and I highly doubt that it will ever change that stance. There is no biblical justification for abortion. The church will also probably never accept gay marriage. One day it may allow priests to marry, but that day isn’t coming. If liberals think the pope should uphold secularism, that’s because they’re confused; it’s not because the pope is wrong.

As National Review’s Jonah Goldberg pointed out, “Excepting, maybe, the issue of distributing condoms in Africa, it’s hard to think of a hot-button social issue that divides the church’s leadership a fraction as much as American editorial pages seem to suggest.”

The point is that there was not a single papal candidate who would have thrilled the American left. Sure, the election of an African or Latin American pope would have been a great step in diversity. And to be fair, most of the other candidates weren’t as conservative as Ratzinger. But none of the candidates would have greatly appealed to the average KU student.

None of the candidates would have sported green hair, worn a dog collar and railed against The Man. None would have lobbied America to legalize marijuana and called to congratulate NARAL Pro-Choice America on all its hard work. None would have purchased a “Kansas: As Bigoted as You Think” bumper sticker. None would have conducted Sunday mass wearing a Che Guevara T-shirt.

Again, let me point out: Pope Benedict is the Catholic pope.

Pope Benedict’s selection, though apparently controversial in Lawrence and other liberal areas of the country and the world, was not that controversial to the people who elected him.

The College of Cardinals took only two days and four votes to select him. He was the dean of the College of Cardinals before becoming pope and was very close to Pope John Paul II. In reality, his selection made sense.

I understand that a lot of the disappointment is political.

If Catholics could only give up on this social conservatism jazz, they might be more inclined to vote Democrat. Then, Democrats might make it back into Washington. Marvelous as that fantasy may be, it’s ridiculous.

For liberals to be disappointed that the College of Cardinals didn’t pick a Ted Kennedy admirer for pope is no different from me being disappointed that they didn’t pick me — a Protestant, American college kid — for pope.

Sure, it would have been great, but it just wouldn’t have made any sense. Fantasize all you want, but live in the real world.