Eight months into her relationship with an ex-boyfriend, Stacey, Memphis senior, told him that she thought it was time to take a break. Soon after, he attempted suicide by overdosing on pills. That’s when she knew he had a problem.

Each year, depression affects an estimated 19 million Americans (not to mention their partners), according to the National Mental Health Association. Maintaining a relationship with a depressed individual can be frustrating and draining. The good news is, depression is treatable, and by taking the right steps, your relationship can survive.

Educating yourself about depression is the first step in a relationship with someone who’s depressed, says Debbie Goldberg, a Lawrence licensed psychologist. “Clinical depression isn’t just when you get the blues and the next day you feel better,” she says. “It’s a mental illness that debilitates some people, so it’s important to know what depression actually is.”

Stacey says that once her ex admitted to her that he was depressed, she ran the occasional Google search, but she learned most from what her boyfriend taught her firsthand. Talking about it and knowing more about what he was going through helped tremendously, she says.

Addressing the problem with your loved one can be hard, but once it’s out in the open, seeking treatment is the next step to recovery, Goldberg says. If there’s an extreme chemical imbalance, the best combination is therapy and medication, because it can help someone get better, she says.

Even though it may be difficult, support is the best way to help a depressed loved one, says Christine Webber, psychotherapist in the United Kingdom and author of Get the Happiness Habit. When depressed people are in good relationships, she says, the positive feelings from the relationship can help them feel better about themselves.

Stacey says that small things, like just letting her boyfriend talk and assuring him that she was there if he needed her, helped their relationship.

While supporting your depressed partner is important, Goldberg says, the healthy individual should realize that modeling “non-depressed” behavior is a good thing. Doing something you enjoy can have a positive influence on the depressed individual, she says.

Stacey says that even though she wanted to help her boyfriend, she felt guilty when she did things she enjoyed. “Sometimes I’d lie about what I was doing because I didn’t want him to get mad or upset at me,” she says. “It was like I was walking on pins and needles.”

While Stacey’s reactions were natural, Goldberg says, healthy people need to respect that there’s going to be times when the depressed individual just won’t want to do anything. “Have the ability to do things independently and don’t assume that they don’t want to spend time with you, but that the person wants alone time,” she says.

It’s difficult to stay calm and confident when your loved one is so unhappy, but any partner of a depressed individual should realize it’s normal to be upset by this situation, Webber says. “Even if you’re at your wits’ end because your loved one has lost the ability to raise a smile, or to appreciate any of the good moments in life, try to accept that all these things are simply a part of this awful illness,” she says.

Suicide Prevention Services offers hotlines 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

Suicide hotline: 1-800-SUICIDE

Depression hotline: (630) 482-9696

DEPRESSION STATISTICS

18.8 million American adults suffer from clinical depression. That is 9.5 percent of the adult population.

35 million Americans (more than 16 percent of the population) suffer from depression severe enough to warrant treatment at some time in their lives.

Women are almost twice as likely as men to fall prey to the disease, while men are far less likely to look for help.

Source: National Institute of Mental Health

DID YOU KNOW…

Christine Webber, author of Get the Happiness Habit, offers advice on how partners of depressed people can help themselves and their relationship:

Don’t keep saying you know what your partner is going through — you don’t.

Don’t despair.

Encourage your partner to get all the professional help available.

Remember: It’s exactly as if your partner was recovering from a serious physical illness or from surgery. Give plenty of tender love and care and don’t expect improvement to be rapid.

Spend time every day doing nice things for yourself.

Remember that this period of your life will pass, and that your partner is the same person underneath as he or she was before.