Free For All: April 4, 2007

By KANSAN

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Hey Free for All, I was going through my call history, and I just wanted to apologize for drunk-dialing you the other weekend. That was totally not cool of me.

To the girl who just ran into the light post on Wescoe Beach: You thought no one saw you, but I did.

Free for All, I accidentally told you a lie. It’s not that Budig 120 smells like poops, it’s the guy that sits a couple of seats down from me in Budig 120 that smells like poop. Will you tell him to shower?

I think I just saw a fly getting raped by a rolly-polly on the ground. So hot.

Remember me? The puddle in the elevator girl? Well guess what? I found out from the janitor that it was Sprite, not your urine, you liars! By the way, it would have been sweeter if it was amniotic fluid.

I wish my boobs were filled with helium, so I could float around campus all day.

I found a cup of what looked like pee in my theatre class today.

To the girl that wrecked her scooter outside of Budig: That was hilarious. I like watching others in pain. You made my day.

I just saw a real live police chase.

I bought a Pepsi on campus, today. I felt kind of like a rebel.

Hot women should not be allowed to suntan on Tennessee or Kentucky, because they almost made me get in a wreck, damn it.

I was just wondering why the Gay Pride flag was at half-mast today. Did one of the Village People die?

I just roared at a campus squirrel and it ran away. I’m pretty sure that’s evolutionary proof that squirrels were alive during the dinosaurs.

To the girl that was getting pulled by a scooter on her skateboard and then totally ate it in front of Snow: Ouch.

Whoever is flying the kite in front of Templin: You’re adorable.

Hey you, newspaper thing, how come you no longer print my comments anymore? What did I ever do to you?

I just got an F on my English paper. Now I’m depressed and need some lovin’.

Royals winning percentage equals one thousand. How much you wanna bet the Royals go undefeated this year? 162 and 0.

Hey skatergirl behind the scooter, bend your knees next time.

Brandon Rush poked me on facebook, and it felt so good I could barely stand up.

Am I only gay person on campus that totally detests rainbows?

Is it ironic that it’s AIDS awareness week and gay week this week?

To the kid who was studying in Watson library with his shirt off: Nice bod.

Next week is Straight Awareness week. All we need is chalk, flags, and creative ways to flaunt our straightness.

I just got kicked out of the Crossing for noticing that the bartender stiffed me for five dollars. Fuck you, buddy.

Hey Gay Pride week, you’re gay.

Free for All, quit having sex with my mother.

If Fallout Boy gets you pumped, you’re an idiot.

To the girl who lost her camera at the Wheel the other night: You chump, I just sold it on eBay for $150.

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Comments

dusseldorf (anonymous) says...

Free for All, did you steal my beer??

April 4, 2007 at 3:16 p.m. ( | suggest removal )

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