Free For All: April 4, 2007

By KANSAN

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Hey Free for All, I was going through my call history, and I just wanted to apologize for drunk-dialing you the other weekend. That was totally not cool of me.

To the girl who just ran into the light post on Wescoe Beach: You thought no one saw you, but I did.

Free for All, I accidentally told you a lie. It’s not that Budig 120 smells like poops, it’s the guy that sits a couple of seats down from me in Budig 120 that smells like poop. Will you tell him to shower?

I think I just saw a fly getting raped by a rolly-polly on the ground. So hot.

Remember me? The puddle in the elevator girl? Well guess what? I found out from the janitor that it was Sprite, not your urine, you liars! By the way, it would have been sweeter if it was amniotic fluid.

I wish my boobs were filled with helium, so I could float around campus all day.

I found a cup of what looked like pee in my theatre class today.

To the girl that wrecked her scooter outside of Budig: That was hilarious. I like watching others in pain. You made my day.

I just saw a real live police chase.

I bought a Pepsi on campus, today. I felt kind of like a rebel.

Hot women should not be allowed to suntan on Tennessee or Kentucky, because they almost made me get in a wreck, damn it.

I was just wondering why the Gay Pride flag was at half-mast today. Did one of the Village People die?

I just roared at a campus squirrel and it ran away. I’m pretty sure that’s evolutionary proof that squirrels were alive during the dinosaurs.

To the girl that was getting pulled by a scooter on her skateboard and then totally ate it in front of Snow: Ouch.

Whoever is flying the kite in front of Templin: You’re adorable.

Hey you, newspaper thing, how come you no longer print my comments anymore? What did I ever do to you?

I just got an F on my English paper. Now I’m depressed and need some lovin’.

Royals winning percentage equals one thousand. How much you wanna bet the Royals go undefeated this year? 162 and 0.

Hey skatergirl behind the scooter, bend your knees next time.

Brandon Rush poked me on facebook, and it felt so good I could barely stand up.

Am I only gay person on campus that totally detests rainbows?

Is it ironic that it’s AIDS awareness week and gay week this week?

To the kid who was studying in Watson library with his shirt off: Nice bod.

Next week is Straight Awareness week. All we need is chalk, flags, and creative ways to flaunt our straightness.

I just got kicked out of the Crossing for noticing that the bartender stiffed me for five dollars. Fuck you, buddy.

Hey Gay Pride week, you’re gay.

Free for All, quit having sex with my mother.

If Fallout Boy gets you pumped, you’re an idiot.

To the girl who lost her camera at the Wheel the other night: You chump, I just sold it on eBay for $150.

Free for All: February 27, 2007

To the guy in Ellsworth who pooped in my bed: You’d better ...

/news/2007/feb/27/free_all/

Free for All: September 28, 2007

I just put a dollar in the vending machine, got food and ...

/news/2007/sep/28/free_all_september_28_2007/

Free For All: August 24, 2007

What happened to the horoscopes in the newspaper? Now I don’t know ...

/news/2007/aug/24/free_all_august_24_2007/

Free For All: May 2, 2007

Thunderstorms are God’s way of giving hippies showers.

/news/2007/may/02/free_all/

Free for All: April 2, 2007

Does Gumby’s deliver to Wichita?

/news/2007/apr/02/free_all/

Free For All: April 11, 2007

I’ve decided to wear black for the rest of the week to ...

/news/2007/apr/11/free_all/

Free for All: April 9, 2007

Hey Royals fans, I can’t hear you now. Oops! Two and one, ...

/news/2007/apr/09/free_all/

Free For All: August 27, 2007

To the cute girl in the red car who just let me ...

/news/2007/aug/27/Free_for_all/

Free For All: April 19, 2007

Why do people wear sunglasses on cloudy days?

/news/2007/apr/19/free_all/

Free For All: August 20, 2007

Another year, another lack of busses coming on time. Oh joy. Oh ...

/news/2007/aug/20/free_all_august_20_2007/

Free for All: August 23, 2007

Free for All, you can stand under my umbrella.

/news/2007/aug/23/free_all_august_23_2007/

Free for All: May 8, 2007

My roommate just lost her shoe in the river on Tennessee.

/news/2007/may/08/free_all/

Free For All: March 12, 2007

The sun on my tummy feels so good!

/news/2007/mar/12/free_all/

Free For All: August 28, 2007

Free for All, do a barrel roll.

/news/2007/aug/28/free_all_august_28_2007/

Free for All: March 13, 2007

Hey Free-for-All, I just proved that violence is the answer! My iPod ...

/news/2007/mar/13/free_all/

Free For All: October 10, 2007

Looks like someone forgot their power towel.

/news/2007/oct/10/ffa/

Free For All: Sept. 17, 2007

I just saw van slam into a car, and it was awesome.

/news/2007/sep/17/free_all_/

Free for All: May 3, 2007

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

/news/2007/may/03/free_all/

Free for All: August 21, 2007

Frat guys are ugly.

/news/2007/aug/21/free_all_august_21_2007/

Free for All: February 28, 2007

All the brain-droppings, unanswerable questions and witty observations you'd expect from the ...

/news/2007/feb/28/free_all/

Free for All: Oct. 12, 2005

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Free for All: April 30, 2007

My honors chem professor just made a pickle glow. Take that, regular ...

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Free for All: November 9, 2007

Join the Todd Reesing For Heisman group on facebook

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Free for All: March 29, 2007

I’m a white guy and I have spinning tires. However, my rims ...

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Free For All: April 23, 2007

Free for All, if I had T-Mobile, you’d totally be in my ...

/news/2007/apr/23/free_all/

Free for All: April 17, 2007

I swear, it’s like 7th Street is just one big pot hole. ...

/news/2007/apr/17/free_all/

Free For All: Sept. 13, 2007

I have a friend. He eats beads so his poop will be ...

/news/2007/sep/13/free_all_sept_13_2007/

Free For All: March 7, 2007

March Madness, baby! Catch the fever.

/news/2007/mar/07/free_all/

Free for All: February 1

/news/2006/feb/01/free_all_february_1/

Free For All: March 16, 2007

We’re definitely winning the Final Four. Colbert said it was going to ...

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Free for All: April 10, 2007

I just got done using a handicapped stall, and I was wondering ...

/news/2007/apr/10/free_all/

Free For All: February 23, 2007

I think I’m giving up homework for Lent.

/news/2007/feb/23/free_all/

Free For All: November 5, 2007

Holy Ladybug Invasion, what the hell is going on?

/news/2007/nov/05/free_all_november_5_2007/

Free for All: April 6, 2007

My female friend, who is straight, didn’t want to lose her virginity, ...

/news/2007/apr/06/freeforall/

Free for All: March 5, 2007

Spring has come again, which means the start of another baseball season, ...

/news/2007/mar/05/free_all/

Free for All: August 16, 2007

The band doesn’t play “Thriller” this year. Well, the games just won’t ...

/news/2007/aug/16/free_all/

Free For All: October 5, 2007

Why do we have a purple bra on the front page of ...

/news/2007/oct/05/free_all/

Free For All: March 9, 2006

/news/2006/mar/09/free/

Free for All: April 26, 2007

Why do I have to pay the same amount to get taught ...

/news/2007/apr/26/free_all/

Free for All: October 2, 2007

Stop following me you damn campus cop! You make me nervous!

/news/2007/oct/02/free_all_october_2_2007/