Free For All: April 5, 2007

By KANSAN

Thursday, April 5, 2007

Rule One of Being a Lawrence Cop: Make sure you cuff the person you’re arresting. I just saw a guy escape from three cops, run across Connecticut Street into some houses, and now the Lawrence cops are running around with their heads cut off.

This message is for the girl who got her shampoo, conditioner, and body wash stolen. You know what? I don’t suck. I took it, I’m not returning it, and you don’t love me.

If United Students makes any more Facebook groups, I’m going to have to stab them with one of their stupid little buttons.

Free for All, this guy totally just made my day when he started smoking a stogy in the back of his car. Hilarious.

When are people in Kansas going to learn that college basketball is lame. It’s all about baseball.

Spangles hurts my soul.

Hey Free for All, I just wanted to let you know I was much cooler with the gays before I saw them making out on the front of the paper.

I’m a sorority girl, and I definitely don’t own a Lexus or snort coke.

Free for All, my boyfriend was kissing this girl on the poster. Is that cheating?

It’s Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.

Does anyone else feel like you have to choose between good grades and exercise? Because I have to choose good grades now, and I’m getting fat.

Attention morons of Lawrence, if you are in the roundabout, you have the right of way. Last time I’m going to warn you. Next time, I’m just going to hit you.

Mother Nature, the biggest cock tease of all.

Free for All, I just broke up with my girlfriend, and I feel terrible.

Is it just me, or does the Campanile look like a huge, swollen cock?

Tuesday’s Free for All sucks.

I’m wearing gloves in April. As if.

Matzah and Passover makes you so constipated.

If I take my dead father’s ashes, mix them with some blow, and then snort it, is that vegan-friendly?

Has anyone in America ever heard of soccer, the world’s most popular sport?

Washington, Washington. Twenty stories high, made of radiation.

What was up with Wednesday’s Free for All? It was about as long as my penis.

I thought a girl was urine, but she told me it was apple juice. I hate liars.

Free for All, I just punched my roommate in the fleshy patch where his nuts used to be, and now he’s crying.

Free for All, it was another successful day. I didn’t go to class, I didn’t go to class, but I got the Sudoku finished.

Free for All: April 2, 2007

Does Gumby’s deliver to Wichita?

/news/2007/apr/02/free_all/

Free for All: April 6, 2007

My female friend, who is straight, didn’t want to lose her virginity, ...

/news/2007/apr/06/freeforall/

Free for All: March 29, 2007

I’m a white guy and I have spinning tires. However, my rims ...

/news/2007/mar/29/free_al/

Free for All: April 10, 2007

I just got done using a handicapped stall, and I was wondering ...

/news/2007/apr/10/free_all/

Free For All: Sept. 10, 2007

Did anybody see the K-State video on YouTube? Don’t forget your power ...

/news/2007/sep/10/free_all/

Free For All: May 9, 2007

Jack Sparrow dies at the end of Pirates of the Caribbean 3.

/news/2007/may/09/free_all/

Free For All: August 20, 2007

Another year, another lack of busses coming on time. Oh joy. Oh ...

/news/2007/aug/20/free_all_august_20_2007/

Free For All: Sept. 17, 2007

I just saw van slam into a car, and it was awesome.

/news/2007/sep/17/free_all_/

Free For All: September 4, 2007

It’d be cool if cops drove minivans.

/news/2007/sep/04/free_all_september_4_2007/

Free For All: March 26, 2007

I passed Buffalo Wild Wings as KU lost the game. I’m pretty ...

/news/2007/mar/26/free_all/

Free For All: Sept. 20, 2007

Finally, someone else realizes that Crocs are the root of all evil.

/news/2007/sep/20/free_all_sept_20_2007/

Free For All: September 24, 2007

If a song is going to bleep out a word, they should ...

/news/2007/sep/24/free_all_september_24_2007/

Free for All: March 5, 2007

Spring has come again, which means the start of another baseball season, ...

/news/2007/mar/05/free_all/

Free for All: Dec. 11, 2006

Here is your Finals Free for All.

/news/2006/dec/11/free_all_dec_11_2006/

Free for All: May 8, 2007

My roommate just lost her shoe in the river on Tennessee.

/news/2007/may/08/free_all/

Free for all: Oct. 17

/news/2005/oct/17/free_all_oct_17/

Free for All: March 8, 2007

My friend just told me I had DSL. That’s like the Internet, ...

/news/2007/mar/08/free_all/

Free For All: August 27, 2007

To the cute girl in the red car who just let me ...

/news/2007/aug/27/Free_for_all/

Free for All: April 9, 2007

Hey Royals fans, I can’t hear you now. Oops! Two and one, ...

/news/2007/apr/09/free_all/

Free For All: November 13, 2007

A beer bong is the solitaire of drinking games.

/news/2007/nov/13/ffa/

Free For All: September 6, 2007

The comment before this one sucked.

/news/2007/sep/06/free_all_september_6_2007/

Free for All: April 30, 2007

My honors chem professor just made a pickle glow. Take that, regular ...

/news/2007/apr/30/free_all/

Free For All: August 30, 2007

To the person who made the comment about the drumline: No sir, ...

/news/2007/aug/30/free_all_august_30_2007/

Free for All: November 2, 2007

You know what? My day sucked until I discovered my mom sent ...

/news/2007/nov/02/free_all_november_2_2007/

Free for All: April 3, 2007

Dear Free for All, how do you cook panda meat? I just ...

/news/2007/apr/03/free_all/

Cheating loves in the 21st century

A battle of lust, love and loyalty in defining cheating.

/news/2010/mar/11/cheating-loves-21st-century/

Free for All: September 11, 2007

You go to college because after waitressing for twenty years you’ll have ...

/news/2007/sep/11/free_all_september_11_2007/

Free for All: Sept. 14, 2007

Does anyone know what the deal is with that old crazy hippie ...

/news/2007/sep/14/free_all/

Free For All: September 7, 2007

My hands smell like syrup.

/news/2007/sep/07/free_all/

Free For All: October 26, 2007

Guess what, I’m on my way to work right now, and I ...

/news/2007/oct/26/free_all_october_26_2007/

Free For All: August 22, 2007

Thank God someone is standing up for “manorexics.”

/news/2007/aug/22/free_all/

Free for All: May 7, 2007

I got on the bus seat, out of the rain, and it ...

/news/2007/may/07/free_all/

Free For All: September 25, 2007

This is your voice. What do you think of it?

/news/2007/sep/25/free_all_september_25_2007/

Free For All: October 22, 2007

The other day I had a flat tire, and I had three ...

/news/2007/oct/22/ffa/

Free for All: August 23, 2007

Free for All, you can stand under my umbrella.

/news/2007/aug/23/free_all_august_23_2007/

Free for All: April 13, 2007

I told my dad to put more money in my account because ...

/news/2007/apr/13/freeforall/

Free for All: May 4, 2007

I found a hat that says "Jawhawk." What does that mean?

/news/2007/may/04/freeforall/

Free For All: April 20, 2007

I just drove by Burger King, and I saw Julian Wright with ...

/news/2007/apr/20/freeforall/

Free for All: April 24, 2007

It just wouldn’t be Wescoe beach without the crazy flier hander-outers and ...

/news/2007/apr/24/free_all/

Free For All: April 23, 2007

Free for All, if I had T-Mobile, you’d totally be in my ...

/news/2007/apr/23/free_all/

Free For All: April 5, 2007

Dear City of Lawrence, please make a mental note that the University of Kansas is the economic engine of the city--next time you oppose a new residence hall, or more bars, or college student's noise parties. The lost of the KU-MU game is good for students because in Kansas City we know how to host a festival. Please drive safely after the tailgate in November!!

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