Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Before you read this column I have an assignment for you. Take out a pen, preferably a black one, and sketch a beard on my picture. You are now looking at a representation of what I would like my photo to be.
There’s an underground population of us at the University of Kansas who cannot grow enough of a beard to show up even faintly in a photograph.
I have been waiting to look like Grizzly Adams since I shaved for the first time at age 14. Yet each year passes and I still glare at a clean face in the mirror.
Of course, not everyone shares my approval of beards. You may be asking right now, “But Sam, why would anyone want a beard?” The answer lies in the recesses of human history. It confronts the very question of what a man’s face was made to do.
Men have struggled to decide what to do with their facial hair for several thousand years. History has seen times in which men lost sight of their chins at an early age and never glimpsed them again; at other times, shaving becomes the law of the land.
In the fourth century B.C., Alexander the Great decreed that his soldiers be clean-shaven so that in battle their enemies couldn’t grab hold of their beards in combat.
No anti-beard laws hold sway these days, but beards still lack the acclaim they deserve.
In fact, anyone growing a beard, especially an untrimmed one, risks a degree of social discomfort.
To combat this, a human rights group called the Beard Liberation Front campaigns in the United Kingdom against all forms of “beardism.” Beardism is a hidden prejudice against people with beards.
You may be unaware that you are a beardist. To test yourself, go on campus and stare at a someone with a beard for 20 seconds — but don’t be too obvious about it. If during that time you formulate any thoughts containing the words “gross,” “dirty” or “too much,” then you probably have at least a minor case of beardism.
To all the male readers of The University Daily Kansan, I invite you to consider the possibility of trying a beard to see if it makes you a little more manly and confident.
To the significant others of these men, if you are angry at what I have just said, I invite you to think deeply on this issue and rid yourself of all beardism. Each individual man must have the right to decide for himself whether to enshrine his face in a beard.
Schneider is a Topeka junior in English.
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