Teacher (runs into full class and writes on board: “I’ll be a bit late, apologies”): I’ll be right back; I’m running late.

Guy: Why didn’t she just say that instead of writing it and then saying exactly what she wrote?

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Girl 1: That girl is so nasty looking.

Girl 2: Really? She looks good in her Facebook photo.

Girl 1: Yeah, her Facebook photo is super cute. In real life, though, she’s really gross.

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Teacher (taking role): Is she here? (pause) I guess not.

Girl: Oh, sorry. I’m here. I wasn’t paying attention

Teacher: That’s OK. It happens to me all the time.

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Teacher: Does anyone know what a “wet sex scene” is?

Guy: If they do, no one’s going to admit it.

Teacher: I’ve seen the movie and I still don’t know.

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Girl 1: How was your weekend?

Girl 2: Fine. I made breakfast for that guy I told you about.

Girl 1: You made him breakfast already? Did you make out?

Girl 1: No.

Girl 2: You shouldn’t make him breakfast unless you get some. Every girl knows that.

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Girl 1: That bathroom smells like burnt hair.

Girl 2 and Girl 3: Eww. Gross.

Girl 4: Was someone curling their hair?

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Girl 1: Want to know what’s great?

Girl 2: What?

Girl 1: Half-price glitter at Hobby Lobby.

Girl 2 (sarcastically): Yeah, that’s so awesome.

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Girl: I really should go on Facebook right now. I haven’t checked it in like a day.

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Guy: I’m not really up on my World War II knowledge. I don’t get stoned anymore, so I’ve stopped watching the History Channel.

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Guy 1 (passing Guy 2): Don’t look me in the eye!

Guy 2: Do you want to get punched in the throat? I’ll do it.

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Girl 1: He’s the most hardcore Christian I know.

Girl 2: What? Did you just say he’s the most hardcore freshman you know? That makes no sense.

Girl 1: Christian, not freshman. But I guess he is a pretty extreme freshman.

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Girl: I don’t think I’m gonna be sore tomorrow. I felt really good today during the game.

Guy: Well, then I’m gonna give you something to make you sore, like a lactic acid injection or something.