To the girl with the red boots who was sleeping under the tree outside of Anschutz: I think you’re beautiful.

My Western Civ teacher will no longer use Powerpoint, because she feels bullet points are a threat to society and are dangerous.

Not even Chuck Norris would live in Margaret Amini’s scholarship hall.

I just drove by Burger King, and I saw Julian Wright with Brandon Rush leaving there. I’m really hoping that he’s not talking him out of staying here next year.

Dear small, little gray car, sorry for almost running you over. Love, big red truck.

Dear campus, learn to flush!

I hope I’m not alone in this, but I have a very strong sexual attraction to the esurance girl.

To anyone worried about global warming: You’d better worry about the sky falling, first. What a crock of shit!

I just beat “Freebird” on Expert. Suck it, Lynyrd Skynyrd!

Okay Free for All, let’s focus!

Free for All makes me so nervous when I call it, because I get stage fright.

I am drunk, it is about midnight, and I am covered in mud because I was just in Potter’s Lake! I rode down in a cart.

Our generation shall continue in this cycle of violence until we learn how to live with our fellow man in peace.

It’s 4:00, and I just saw three guys running naked down Jayhawk Boulevard.

Free for All, I don’t know what to do with myself. I’ve been calling you constantly, day after day, and you never pick up. I don’t get it! You come, you make love to me, and then you never talk to me again? Is that how it’s gonna be? Is that how it’s gonna be?!

Gordon, don’t be such a d-bag.

Free for All, I’m sorry, OK? She didn’t mean anything. It was a one-night thing. I had too many beers, what can I say? I’m sorry. It’ll never happen again!

I love warm weather. Your mood goes up, and your class attendance goes way down.

I didn’t brush my teeth last night.

Oh noes! They caught me masturbating in the elevator again. Skeet, skeet, skeet.