Free for All: April 26, 2007

By KANSAN

Thursday, April 26, 2007

I want to tongue plow your stink dish, you swamp donkey.

I was driving behind a KU bus, and it was so bad my dog started sneezing because of all the smoke that filtered into our car. I am so glad that we’re getting new buses, so glad!

Why are people always surprised when you answer your phone?

If you have your hand down your pants when you get on the bus, people are going to notice.

Since it is a hygiene product, I consider it a compliment when somebody calls me a douche bag.

Every time I eat at Mrs. E’s, I have to take a long, painful shit afterwards.

Props to the dude who is flying a kite and smoking a cigarette in the thunderstorm.

With everybody is talking about how gun control rights should be increased and writing article in the paper, I’ve just got one thing to say. Guns don’t kill people. People kill people.

I should not be calling people when I’m high.

I hear that if you blow marijuana smoke into a cat’s ear, it’ll get him more high.

How much do you think they charge for laser hair removal on cats?

My cat is high. Real high. She’s hungry! So hungry!

McCollum bingo is a very violent sport.

Where did a cat get Mardi Gras beads? Seriously! He just walked back into the room wearing Mardi Gras beads.

First of all, I called Gumby’s, thinking it was the Free for All. Second, I don’t shake hands, I shake booty.

Free for All, I’ve been sitting here, waiting to win a video camera at bingo for like, three hours. It’s getting really, really boring. Call me back and keep me company.

Free for All, everyone I know and love is winning at bingo, and I’m sitting here losing.

You summumabitch.

Why do I have to pay the same amount to get taught by a GTA as I do a professor? If I wanted to be taught by inferior teachers, I would pay less money and go to Emporia.

We’re sitting in the McDonald’s drive-through line, and we just saw a guy climb into their dumpster.

(Crunching noises) Mmm, Fruit Loops. (More smacking and crunching noises)

Drinking during the day is my favorite pastime.

Whoever stole my algebra book in Budig Hall, you are a dickhead. I hope you burn in hell.

Oh, by the way, guy who stole my book, I was studying for a test in that class.

To the guy who said, “What the hell is wrong with you?” to my 35-year-old virgin friend: Thank you.

Free for All, chivalry is not dead. Someone on the bus just gave up their seat for me, and it was a boy.

I’m not sure which I hate more, MTV or Damaged Circus.

I have an umbrella, this is why I’m hot. I’m hot ‘cause I’m dry. You aint, ‘cause you not!

Who pulled the fire alarm at Wescoe? It’s raining outside! I might just have to go home.

I get my burritos mixed, and you know what? I like it.

To the guy in the Underground who announced he was 35 years old and had never been with a lady: Graduate.

Free for All: April 2, 2007

Does Gumby’s deliver to Wichita?

/news/2007/apr/02/free_all/

Free for All: April 30, 2007

My honors chem professor just made a pickle glow. Take that, regular ...

/news/2007/apr/30/free_all/

Free for All: May 7, 2007

I got on the bus seat, out of the rain, and it ...

/news/2007/may/07/free_all/

Free For All: September 19, 2007

After all Britney has been through, leave Britney alone!

/news/2007/sep/19/free_all_september_19_2007/

Free For All: September 6, 2007

The comment before this one sucked.

/news/2007/sep/06/free_all_september_6_2007/

Scene and heard: Fat Freddy's

New places, new faces.

/news/2010/sep/22/scene-and-heard-fat-freddys/

Free For All: September 4, 2007

It’d be cool if cops drove minivans.

/news/2007/sep/04/free_all_september_4_2007/

Free For All: November 13, 2007

A beer bong is the solitaire of drinking games.

/news/2007/nov/13/ffa/

Free For All: April 5, 2007

Free for All, my boyfriend was kissing this girl on the poster. ...

/news/2007/apr/05/free_all/

Free for All: April 27, 2007

Can you tell me why I’ve been waiting in the rain for ...

/news/2007/apr/27/freeforall/

Free for all: Oct. 17

/news/2005/oct/17/free_all_oct_17/

Free for All: April 24, 2007

It just wouldn’t be Wescoe beach without the crazy flier hander-outers and ...

/news/2007/apr/24/free_all/

Free for All: September 28, 2007

I just put a dollar in the vending machine, got food and ...

/news/2007/sep/28/free_all_september_28_2007/

Free For All: Sept. 10, 2007

Did anybody see the K-State video on YouTube? Don’t forget your power ...

/news/2007/sep/10/free_all/

Free For All: August 20, 2007

Another year, another lack of busses coming on time. Oh joy. Oh ...

/news/2007/aug/20/free_all_august_20_2007/

Free For All: October 22, 2007

The other day I had a flat tire, and I had three ...

/news/2007/oct/22/ffa/

Free For All: Sept. 17, 2007

I just saw van slam into a car, and it was awesome.

/news/2007/sep/17/free_all_/

Free For All: October 1, 2007

Let me reiterate, the $500 ResNet fee is ridiculous.

/news/2007/oct/01/Free_For_All/

Free For All: April 25, 2007

When is a door not a door? When it’s ajar!

/news/2007/apr/25/free_all/

Free For All: April 11, 2007

I’ve decided to wear black for the rest of the week to ...

/news/2007/apr/11/free_all/

Free For All: August 17, 2007

Free for All, I just got up at seven o’clock to go ...

/news/2007/aug/17/free_all_august_17_2007/

Free for All: April 10, 2007

I just got done using a handicapped stall, and I was wondering ...

/news/2007/apr/10/free_all/

Free For All: November 30, 2007

To the kid I copied off of: you are dead!

/news/2007/nov/30/free_all_november_30_2007/

Free for All: April 12, 2007

I’m just holding a phone up to my face and talking to ...

/news/2007/apr/12/free_all/

Free For All: October 10, 2007

Looks like someone forgot their power towel.

/news/2007/oct/10/ffa/

Free For All: April 23, 2007

Free for All, if I had T-Mobile, you’d totally be in my ...

/news/2007/apr/23/free_all/

Free For All: Sept. 13, 2007

I have a friend. He eats beads so his poop will be ...

/news/2007/sep/13/free_all_sept_13_2007/

Free for All: March 13, 2007

Hey Free-for-All, I just proved that violence is the answer! My iPod ...

/news/2007/mar/13/free_all/

Free for All: May 4, 2007

I found a hat that says "Jawhawk." What does that mean?

/news/2007/may/04/freeforall/

Free for All: March 30, 2007

Everyone was clothed in my chemistry class today. No big whoop. Just ...

/news/2007/mar/30/freeforall/

Free for All: May 3, 2007

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

/news/2007/may/03/free_all/

Free For All: Sept. 20, 2007

Finally, someone else realizes that Crocs are the root of all evil.

/news/2007/sep/20/free_all_sept_20_2007/

Free For All: March 16, 2007

We’re definitely winning the Final Four. Colbert said it was going to ...

/news/2007/mar/16/freeforall/

Free For All: March 26, 2007

I passed Buffalo Wild Wings as KU lost the game. I’m pretty ...

/news/2007/mar/26/free_all/

Free For All: October 26, 2007

Guess what, I’m on my way to work right now, and I ...

/news/2007/oct/26/free_all_october_26_2007/

Free for All: March 29, 2007

I’m a white guy and I have spinning tires. However, my rims ...

/news/2007/mar/29/free_al/

Free for All: September 11, 2007

You go to college because after waitressing for twenty years you’ll have ...

/news/2007/sep/11/free_all_september_11_2007/

Free For All: April 18, 2007

Free for All is my new addiction.

/news/2007/apr/18/free_all/

Free For All: May 9, 2007

Jack Sparrow dies at the end of Pirates of the Caribbean 3.

/news/2007/may/09/free_all/

Free for All: March 1, 2007

I would like to know where these people were fixing potholes, because ...

/news/2007/mar/01/free_all/

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