Girl: I think it’s great that KU offers Yiddish, but I think it’s because the Chancellor’s son converted to Judaism.

Professor: Still, Yiddish in Kansas. It’s great.

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Girl 1: I really need a B in my chem class.

Girl 2: So are you gonna have sex with the teacher?

Girl 1: Well, he is about 70 years old. So… absolutely!

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Girl 1 (on phone): Yeah, I think it’ll really affect my grade dramastically.

Girl 2 (whispering to Girl 3): Did she just say “dramastically?”

Girl 3: Yeah, I think so.

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Guy (on phone): Nah, man. I don’t have to go to class at all next week, so I ain’t trippin’.

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Girl: I was so excited about 4/20. I was even writing it all over my notebooks and doodling. Then I realized that I couldn’t even celebrate it because I have so much shit to do. Dammit!

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Girl (on phone): So I woke up this morning naked. My car was gone and I had no idea how I got home or what I did last night.

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Guy 1: Is it true that that Wallflowers song “One Headlight” is about erect nipples?

Guy 2: I doubt it.

Guy 1: Well, it’s just that in pornos I’ve heard people refer to erect nipples as “headlights.”

Guy 2: Oh, yeah. I see it.

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Professor: Oh look. I’ve found a dime. Did anyone lose a dime?

Class: (shakes heads no)

Professor: I’ll just put it on the desk in case. (resumes lecture)