Monday, August 13, 2007
My parents are concerned for my well-being. It’s the fact of life that is both endearing and endlessly annoying.
The concern reached its peak in January, when I headed back to England for a solid six months after a holiday break of good food and relaxation. During my spring break trip—a four-week jaunt across Europe—I e-mailed my mother every day to let her know that I was still alive. I sent her my fall class schedule, which I’d finally completed at an Internet café in Barcelona. She listened as I vented my frustration, but was also interested in reading about my various adventures.
When I finally came home, what had been uneasiness regarding my far-flung location morphed into concern for my mental state. I was taking twelve summer hours, including an economics class at JCCC that required me to shovel down dinner and run out the door at 5:30pm, shortly after my parents got home. My parents at one time probably forgot that they had a daughter.
Just as the classes ended and it appeared that I could relax for awhile, the return to KU was imminent. I barely had time to enjoy the end of production functions and marginal product when the time came to shop for school supplies.
Here too my parents made sure that I was set up. My mother has it in her head that between my job and my classes, I won’t find the time to eat. We’ve stocked up on groceries and multi-vitamins so that I don’t end up with scurvy. The apartment that I probably won’t spend much time in will be decorated and outfitted for comfort. Once school begins, I’ll still e-mail my mother every day, even if she is a paltry 45 minutes away.
As hovering as my parents seem (and even they know when to keep a respectful distance), I secretly like their involvement. It’s a paradox. As frustrating as it is for them to want to know everything, deep down I’m comforted by their desire to know everything.
When I freak out about one thing or another, my dad tells me that he learned long ago that anything that I say I will do, I’ll do. When I told my parents that I was adding on the international studies co-major (which technically would be my third concentration), they told me to go for it, but not to drive myself crazy.
I’ve heard friends complain that their parents push them to do things or to study subjects that don’t interest them. Their parents push them further than they’re prepared to go. In my case, my parents often keep me from going too far. When I count off the classes and activities that I want to participate in, their advice is to know when to quit.
Their interest in me—whether it be my safety in another country or my sleep needs—is comforting, but I admit that I abuse it. I want them to leave me alone when it’s expedient, and I want them to be there for me when it’s expedient. I suppose that the challenge for both of us is to find an equilibrium.
Smothering though they may be, I know that it certainly wasn’t just me who moved food, furniture, electronics, posters and kitchenware into my apartment a few days ago. I’m also not the one to have bought enough groceries to outlast a nuclear war. I know that I certainly underappreciate them, but then again, they’re the first to tell me that they felt the same way about their parents when they were my age.
Kelsey Hayes is a Lenexa Junior in journalism, political science and international studies.
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