Monday, August 13, 2007
“Them there, is they filled?”
This was a real question put to me by a real person several months ago. I worked then as I do now in a bakery on Iowa St. and this woman asked about the long johns.
She was not polite or refined and after ordering a surplus of pastries and doughnuts she neglected to tip me.
I disliked that she was rude and that she showed no gratitude, but most of all I disliked her disregard for proper English vernacular. To hear my native tongue abused by a fellow native turned my stomach.
A slip up is one thing. I sometimes allow an “ain’t” to blip in and out of my everyday speech but the inaptitude this woman exhibited seemed tantamount to laziness and disrespect.
Of course, some of you will argue that quibbling over grammar is pointless. The woman wanted to know if the long johns were filled. I got her point. Where is the problem?
Some people don’t care about the rules of grammar. To them, thinking out what they are going to say and how they are going to say it is a waste of time and effort.
You think I’m being pithy; but I give a damn perceptions. My speech is one of the things that augment people’s perceptions of me. I want to come off as more evolved than a caveman. Saying “Ben hungry, want food” is disrespectful to the person listening to me utter such a sentence.
Until recently bad syntax was my pet peeve, but I had a change of heart over the course of the summer.
Over the course of June and July I learned, from a somewhat tactless professor, that I have problems with English, some of them so massive that I must have either a total lack of enthusiasm for the language or adult onset attention deficit disorder.
Oooh, new paragraph! A Bird! I like V-8 Splash! Yippee Skippy!
Anyway, this was a blow to my ego and I ended up in a funk because of it.
While all of you were packing to return to your dorms, your mothers hurriedly scribbling your names into your underwear, I anticipated THE FIRST COLUMN OF THE SEMESTER with dread.
Before they let me write on the editorial board, the big-wigs at the UDK asked to see a few samples of my writing. I sent them some stuff to show my diabolical insanity and despite my eccentricities they said “okay, you can write a column, but…”
They said I cursed too much. My favorite word being “TISHLLUB” spelled backwards and my second favorite starting with “A” and ending with “SSHOLE.”
“Go British,” one of them said. “Women dig guys with accents.”
Well, despite my thoughts that all this prudishness was a load of bullocks, I decided to comply and abide. Wankers! They can ruddy well kiss my arse!
I suppose it has something to do with one’s philosophy of language. Some words are not okay all of the time for all people according to some. I respect that, yet strongly disagree. If I ever procreate, I hope my mother will be appalled at my child’s ability to make Marines blush scarlet. Hell, maybe the kid will be wise enough to drop an eff-bomb at a funeral and relieve some tension.
“Friends University of Central Kansas, Dad! That’s a dead guy!”
It is all relative. One man’s best intentions can lead to war, pestilence, famine and death. Bad language may be to some what bad grammar is to me; disrespectful.
Varying opinions are the bane and beauty of humanity. In the end all I can say is that I hope you’ll forgive me. I believe expression is natural and should be unhindered even if it offends. But my good manners dictate that making people mad is bad form.
I want to make people think and if spelling bad words backwards and using the acronym for a Wichita-based private college gets your gears a-turnin’, so be it.
Smith is a Rose Hill senior in journalism.
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Comments
Smith: In English, please?
Are you saying its insensitive of me to expect people born in the United States to speak proper English?
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