Two girls in bikinis laying out by Potter’s Lake means it’s going to be a great semester.

Free for All, you suck this year. Do it better!

I’d like to thank the freshmen for making eight of us on the bus late for class.

I found a wallet in 1005 Haworth, and returned it to 2045 Haworth, so if anybody is missing one, check there.

Dear Grace Pearson, a dying cat would have sounded better than your serenading last night. Love, Stephenson.

For being a school full of educated people, KU sure has a lot of dumbass drivers.

Another year, another lack of busses coming on time. Oh joy. Oh rapture.

I’m a sorority girl, and I haven’t gotten my period for two months. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m pregnant, or because I’m just that skinny.

To the guy in the apartment above me: 853, you’re a horrible guitar player.

My boyfriend just got a boner in Budig.

To the guy on the second floor: I’ve got my eye on you. You’re mine.

My roommate just got wasted off malt liquor for the first time. Isn’t that sad?

Yay! You fixed the crossword. Thanks!

There was no point in waking up for a ten minute class.

Hey freshmen, stop wearing your high school shirts. No one cares. Damned freshmen.

It is the mans obligation to stick his boneration in the woman’s separation to increase the population.

I just saw a cop try and break into a Porsche.

I got kicked out of KU, but I’m still going to be in the Free for All almost every day this year. Just wait.

Free for All, I’m gay, and I wanted to come out to you first.

To the idiot driving down K-10 with their brights on, in the left lane: Learn to drive!

Quick question. What’s Yellow Route, and where does it go?

Dear Free for All, I just wanted to call and let you know that I got home safe.