Monday, August 20, 2007
Steely McBeam.
Let me say that again. Steely McBeam. That’s not my porn star name. It’s the NFL’s newest mascot.
This fall, the overalls-clad Mr. McBeam, who looks like a Simpsonized Bill Cowher, will roam the sidelines for the Pittsburgh Steelers — the fifth-oldest NFL franchise, celebrating its 75th year of existence this season. Those Pittsburgh Steelers. The same Pittsburgh Steelers who recently hired just their third head coach in 38 years are now on their first mascot. The same Pittsburgh Steelers who haven’t had a cheerleading squad since 1969 now have a brand new mascot. That’s not a typo.
After decades of serving as a symbol for every blue-collar football fan in America, the once-dignified Pittsburgh Steelers have turned their backs on those blue-collar fans to cater to the casual fan of the 21st century who doesn’t find enough entertainment in the action on the field.
So, while Steely McBeam is supposed to be the fresh face of the Steelers, it seems he is also the face of a sad new era in sports. Or perhaps Steely is the consummation of decades of mascot shenanigans.
Just take a trip west on I-70.
Granted, you have to get past his charm, his hazardous driving habits on four-wheelers and his uncanny knack for air-humping field goals off target, but once you do, you have to think about the logic behind Kansas City Chiefs mascot KC Wolf.
Far be it from me to question how many wolves actually inhabit the metro, but in all my travels across I-70, up I-35 and around I-435, the only one I’ve seen wears red and yellow zebra-striped sweatpants.
Now, if the Chiefs were to change their mascot to something more representative of their moniker, the NFL would have something going. If Kansas City actually had a chief for a mascot, he could team up with Steely and the Dallas Cowboys mascot, Rowdy, to reunite half of the Village People.
As for KC Wolf’s neighbor, Slugger: While I question the quality of the hotdogs he fires into the stands, and how he developed such bulging biceps naturally, he’s one of the few things the Royals have gotten right the last 15 years.
What troubles me about Slugger, though, are his new sidekicks: The K Crew. If you haven’t witnessed how ridiculous the K Crew is in person, well, they could only be described as the Major League equivalent to the Saturday Night Live Spartan Cheerleaders.
But let’s not forget our own backyard.
Big Jay is the most realistic Jayhawk you’ll ever find, and he gave his all in the Capital One Mascot Challenge. Yet, he always plays second fiddle to fan favorite Baby Jay. I want to know why. Why aren’t people more suspicious of this mischievous ‘Baby’ Jay?
Baby Jay turns 36 this October. How long does it take a Jay to reach adulthood? Secondly, for Baby Jay to exist, there must be a Mama Jay, right? Where is she? And why do the Jays fall down before every basketball game? Something tells me they have a dark past they’re covering up.
But the most important question is: Why does this school — or any school or any sports franchise — need two mascots?
One mascot is more than enough and, in some cases, one too many. And that’s the conundrum sports and fans are faced with today: When is enough, enough? How much cheesy entertainment will collegiate and professional sports offer fans to distract from the product on the field? When, if ever, will fans get their fill of this athletic window dressing? Is Steely McBeam the end of an era, or can we expect the unveiling of Mama Jay this Homecoming?
To the people of Pittsburgh’s credit, some are protesting Steely McBeam and petitioning to have him removed. Steely’s success in Pittsburgh could either facilitate or deter the mascot takeover that’s now upon us.
— Edited by Matt Erickson
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