Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Flying is supposed to be the most convenient way to travel. Convenient. Is waking up at four a.m. to get to the airport at the recommended two hours before your flight just to go through security then wait in naïve hope at the gate for an unachievable on-time departure, to get on a plane…late, just to wait on the runway another thirty minutes, take off, land, then wait another forty-five minutes for your bag to show up convenient? Well. I’m not believing it.
If the airport is a dry two week old cake then security is the sweaty slightly congealed sticky-tack icing on top. Waiting in lines that make the last five minutes of your least favorite class seem like heaven, just to be frisked by security personnel is not exactly an activity you want to participate in before a cup of coffee. Security is of course completely necessary, but sometimes as I stand in a security line, barefoot, smelling the built-up stench of thousands of sweaty feet having passed through the same small area and squeamishly considering what possibly could be hidden in the realms of the sickly brown carpet beneath my feet, I wonder if maybe there is a less degrading way to navigate passengers through security, one that insures I will never contact foot fungus.
The fun doesn’t stop there. Oh no, it’s just as exciting on the plane. From that first whiff of “hospital-esque” airplane air, you know you have a meal to look forward to that tastes exactly the same. What you don’t know is that afterwards, you’re likely to be using the lavatory more often than you expected. This I quickly found out on a five hour flight when I was served chicken, green beans and scalloped potatoes. I really should have known better. The chicken was not a color any chicken, or other meat, should ever be. Plus, it was smothered in some kind of brown guck, gravy apparently. After this experience, I think as a general rule, gravy should not be served above a certain altitude. Added to the fun of awkwardly asking the people beside you to move for the third time, not to mention the occasional show-down with the flight attendant and her cart blocking your way makes you wish you’d just had that fifth Cinnabon cinnamon roll and been done with it all. Basically, airline food could do with some improvement. And no, adding more salt is not the answer.
When I was on an early morning flight to San Francisco this summer, a woman in the seat next to me asked the flight attendant for a pillow. You know, the dinky ones half the size of a piece of copy paper. The flight attendant’s aggravated response was that the airline had discontinued pillows and told the woman to go to www.delta.com/feedback, the response left the woman without a pillow and instead gave her a chore. In a move just as ridiculous, Northwest Airlines has begun charging extra for the “roomier” aisle seat. I suppose the thinking is that the seat is slightly more comfortable because you can spread out into the aisle. Although, I doubt they take into account the unanticipated elbow bashing from the drink cart and the constant movement of other passengers. But at least they’re thinking of you, their customer.
After all this hassle, you arrive at your destination in a semi-timely fashion. Now you can shake off the experience, chill out and head to baggage claim.
Hudson is a Wichita sophomore in journalism and business.
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Comments
Hudson: Flying isn’t all it’s cracked up to be
Wow, good to see that this column tackles the important issues, like gravy and being a pissy flier. Must suck to have enough money to fly enough that you are actually annoyed by every aspect of it all the time. Your life is so rough.
Hudson: Flying isn’t all it’s cracked up to be
I think this is a great article. The right blend of satire and fact, and I agree with the semtiments expressed!
Hudson: Flying isn’t all it’s cracked up to be
No need to be a jerk, it doesnt take more than one flight, which is all I've ever been on, to have this stuff annoy you. And taking a flight does NOT automatically mean you are well off. So shut up! It was a funny article and I can't wait to read more from this writer!
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