Free For All: August 24, 2007

By KANSAN

Friday, August 24, 2007

KU needs to have a mandatory class on how to compose sentences without using the words “like” and “whatever.”

The girl in my religion discussion just said that she had lots of “devoutness.” What the hell is “devoutness”?

Free for All, the senior KU girls would like to know why the boys in Kansas don’t date. What is wrong? KU doesn’t date.

Where’s the horoscope? The UDK is not complete without my daily advice.

(Editor’s Note: We’re having password difficulties. It should be back soon.)

Free for All, I’ve got so many zits on my butt that my roommates have put a deep cleansing mask on it, and wiped it with Clearasil wipes.

I’m just wondering how one doesn’t know how to spell their own first name. And by the way, “candy” starts with a “C.”

What happened to the horoscopes in the newspaper? Now I don’t know how my life is going to turn out.

Not only do fat girls have feelings, we are very hot in bed. Deal with it, loser-boy.

Does anybody else really want to do that Kari girl off “Mythbusters”?

Hey kids, I’m an alumni, and I read Free for All every day. Let me tell you something. Don’t hurry to graduate. All that awaits you is bills, greedy people, and people that just don’t care about you. Just enjoy school and go crazy.

I pissed on my roommate’s floor, and I wasn’t drunk.

Carnival? Rides? Games? Food? KU? SUA, you are the best!

Listen, we just saw a UFO.

Wait, so there’s going to be a Ferris wheel on campus on Saturday? Gee whiz, SUA. Wow.

Hey now, fat girls do have feelings. Fat feelings.

Never mind campus. Have you ever seen a squirrel poop, ever?

(sung) The best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup!

I’m terrified of the bus drivers.

I’ve had a bad experience with gummy bears.

People who anthropomorphize Free for All are borderline creepy.

Can I get an editor’s note on how you determine the length of a typed message since we have 20 seconds called in?

(Editor’s Note: No.)

Good luck to whoever does the Free for All, thanks to this application, your job just got a whole lot harder.

To the girl walking on campus wearing a pleated skirt and a polo: Oops, you did it again.

Haha, I love your editor comments.

Anyone who believes in horoscopes isn’t smart enough to be at KU anyway.

Are freshmen not allowed on Free for All or something?

Where the hell did the horoscopes go? I want to know how my day will go!

I would just like to say that I think useless reading in college should be banned. Thank you.

I wore a backless dress to The Hawk last week and I got donkey-punched by two of my girlfriends.

Okay girls, enough with the comically big “stunna shades” or whatever the’y’re called. You look like my grandma.

To whoever asked where the Yellow Route went, it leads to the Wizard of Oz.

My roommate just wrote on my Facebook wall asking if I am alive.

You UDK guys sure made this damned app really fun to find. I wasted all my in-between class time looking when I could’ve just looked on the Kansan Web site. Damn you. I’m sorry, Kansan. I didn’t mean to yell. I only scream at you because I love you.

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