Free For All: August 24, 2007

By KANSAN

Friday, August 24, 2007

KU needs to have a mandatory class on how to compose sentences without using the words “like” and “whatever.”

The girl in my religion discussion just said that she had lots of “devoutness.” What the hell is “devoutness”?

Free for All, the senior KU girls would like to know why the boys in Kansas don’t date. What is wrong? KU doesn’t date.

Where’s the horoscope? The UDK is not complete without my daily advice.

(Editor’s Note: We’re having password difficulties. It should be back soon.)

Free for All, I’ve got so many zits on my butt that my roommates have put a deep cleansing mask on it, and wiped it with Clearasil wipes.

I’m just wondering how one doesn’t know how to spell their own first name. And by the way, “candy” starts with a “C.”

What happened to the horoscopes in the newspaper? Now I don’t know how my life is going to turn out.

Not only do fat girls have feelings, we are very hot in bed. Deal with it, loser-boy.

Does anybody else really want to do that Kari girl off “Mythbusters”?

Hey kids, I’m an alumni, and I read Free for All every day. Let me tell you something. Don’t hurry to graduate. All that awaits you is bills, greedy people, and people that just don’t care about you. Just enjoy school and go crazy.

I pissed on my roommate’s floor, and I wasn’t drunk.

Carnival? Rides? Games? Food? KU? SUA, you are the best!

Listen, we just saw a UFO.

Wait, so there’s going to be a Ferris wheel on campus on Saturday? Gee whiz, SUA. Wow.

Hey now, fat girls do have feelings. Fat feelings.

Never mind campus. Have you ever seen a squirrel poop, ever?

(sung) The best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup!

I’m terrified of the bus drivers.

I’ve had a bad experience with gummy bears.

People who anthropomorphize Free for All are borderline creepy.

Can I get an editor’s note on how you determine the length of a typed message since we have 20 seconds called in?

(Editor’s Note: No.)

Good luck to whoever does the Free for All, thanks to this application, your job just got a whole lot harder.

To the girl walking on campus wearing a pleated skirt and a polo: Oops, you did it again.

Haha, I love your editor comments.

Anyone who believes in horoscopes isn’t smart enough to be at KU anyway.

Are freshmen not allowed on Free for All or something?

Where the hell did the horoscopes go? I want to know how my day will go!

I would just like to say that I think useless reading in college should be banned. Thank you.

I wore a backless dress to The Hawk last week and I got donkey-punched by two of my girlfriends.

Okay girls, enough with the comically big “stunna shades” or whatever the’y’re called. You look like my grandma.

To whoever asked where the Yellow Route went, it leads to the Wizard of Oz.

My roommate just wrote on my Facebook wall asking if I am alive.

You UDK guys sure made this damned app really fun to find. I wasted all my in-between class time looking when I could’ve just looked on the Kansan Web site. Damn you. I’m sorry, Kansan. I didn’t mean to yell. I only scream at you because I love you.

Free for All: September 5, 2007

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Free For All: August 22, 2007

Thank God someone is standing up for “manorexics.”

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Give it to me, Free for All. Give it to me like ...

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Free For All: Sept. 17, 2007

I just saw van slam into a car, and it was awesome.

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Free for all: Oct. 17

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To the cute girl in the red car who just let me ...

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Free For All: Sept. 10, 2007

Did anybody see the K-State video on YouTube? Don’t forget your power ...

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Free For All: April 16, 2007

I called because I didn’t know what you sounded like, and frankly, ...

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Free for All: April 30, 2007

My honors chem professor just made a pickle glow. Take that, regular ...

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Free for All: September 28, 2007

I just put a dollar in the vending machine, got food and ...

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Free for All: April 10, 2007

I just got done using a handicapped stall, and I was wondering ...

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Free for All: May 8, 2007

My roommate just lost her shoe in the river on Tennessee.

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Free For All: April 23, 2007

Free for All, if I had T-Mobile, you’d totally be in my ...

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Free For All: August 28, 2007

Free for All, do a barrel roll.

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Free for All: March 13, 2007

Hey Free-for-All, I just proved that violence is the answer! My iPod ...

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Free for All: August 16, 2007

The band doesn’t play “Thriller” this year. Well, the games just won’t ...

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Free for All: September 11, 2007

You go to college because after waitressing for twenty years you’ll have ...

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Free for All: Dec. 11, 2006

Here is your Finals Free for All.

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Free For All: October 10, 2007

Looks like someone forgot their power towel.

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Free For All: October 8, 2007

Free for All, why in the world can’t people in this God-forsaken ...

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Free for All: February 26, 2007

"So United Students can't even spell "student" in chalk. Am I really ...

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Free for All: April 9, 2007

Hey Royals fans, I can’t hear you now. Oops! Two and one, ...

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Free for All: March 5, 2007

Spring has come again, which means the start of another baseball season, ...

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Free for All: April 3, 2007

Dear Free for All, how do you cook panda meat? I just ...

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Free for All: February 27, 2007

To the guy in Ellsworth who pooped in my bed: You’d better ...

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Free for All: September 21, 2007

Community college sucks. I miss you, Free for All.

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Free For All: November 5, 2007

Holy Ladybug Invasion, what the hell is going on?

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Free For All: February 23, 2007

I think I’m giving up homework for Lent.

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Wescoe Wit

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Free For All: October 22, 2007

The other day I had a flat tire, and I had three ...

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Free for All: March 14, 2007

I bet K-State doesn’t even teach evolution!

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Free For All: September 6, 2007

The comment before this one sucked.

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Free For All: October 17, 2007

I just drowned a moth in my piss.

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Free For All: October 25, 2007

If physics was a person, he would have no friends on Facebook.

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