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Hawktopics

1. the 11-1 KU football team gets chosen to play in the orange bowl, passing over the 11-2 missouri tigers, who defeated ku just a week and a half ago.

Orange Bowl officials were afraid that the Mizzou fanbase wouldn’t travel to Miami, given the area’s lack of crystal meth and opossum-based cuisine.

2. the kansas alcoholic beverage control decides not to renew the liquor license of lawrence nightclub last call.

Now The Hawk can lay sole claim to the title of “Lamest Bar in Lawrence,” although It’s Brothers should continue to provide some good competition.

3. a man wearing what appeared to be a bomb holds a new hampshire hillary clinton campaign office hostage for six hours before peacefully surrendering.

Had the would-be bomber carried out his threat, then both Clintons could claim to have been blown in their offices. Hey, I tried.

4. senate democrats agree to support a bill that would require a 40% increase in fuel efficiency standards for cars, light trucks and SUVs by 2020.

Caving to Republican demands, however, Democrats dropped a key component of the bill that would have required SUV drivers to place a “Look at me! I’m an asshole” bumper sticker on their vehicles.

5. hawk topics writer and co-founder chris raine announces his retirement after 2 years of penning the critically acclaimed jayplay column.

Both Hawk Topics readers were reportedly mildly disappointed by the news of Raine’s departure.

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