Free for All: March 5, 2007

By KANSAN

Monday, March 5, 2007

Chuck Norris donates blood, and the blood drive is not cancelled.

To whoever called in and said that Delta Force hates Greeks: I’m not even in Delta Force, and I know that’s stupid and wrong.

In response to “I thought the palm ashes came from the Holocaust”: I thought Free-for-All doesn’t print lewd and obscene comments.

Maybe if Brandon Rush spent less time drinking at The Hawk and more time shooting some jumpers he’d have better games.

To the so-and-so that knocked off my side-view mirror and tossed it on top of my hood like it was nothing: I cast an infertility spell on you, so check your sex organs.

My roommate’s room just caught on fire.

That is probably the bubbliest urine I have ever seen.

To the girl in the green jacket, who is peeing outside GSP: We saw you! Haha!

I can’t believe you printed that comment. Since when did the Free-for-All become anti-Semitic?

Free-for-All, why don’t you go back to your home on Whore Island?

You’re a Greek in Delta Force? Traitor! Turn in your polos and flip-flops now.

I just saw my girlfriend making out with another guy at the Hookah House. What a frickin’ slut.

Do I look like a sorority girl to you?

Free-for-All, sorry I haven’t called.

Matt Kleinmann is not white. He’s clear.

Spring has come again, which means the start of another baseball season, and guess what? The Yankees still suck.

My roommate has the biggest head in the world.

Cocaine is a hell of a drug.

The blood drive is not cancelled, you idiot.

Hey Tim, stop putting crap in the UDK. The Free-for-All is not a toy.

To the person who suggest we get an amphitheater: Yes, let’s! And while we’re at it, let’s get a colosseum! We can fill it with water and stage mock sea battles, or our own version of Gladiator!

Free-for-All, I gave up sex for Lent, and it’s not going to well. Does that mean I’m a slut?

Is it true Hitler coined the phrase “if you don’t use it, you lose it”?

I just got a ticket for getting hit by a bus on the KU campus.

To the person whose dog I hit Thursday night on Mississippi and 11th: I’m sorry, but that dog was dumb and ran out into the middle of the street.

Free-for-All, you wouldn’t happen to have any jumper-cables, would you? I kinda need to get home.

Sarah, I can’t believe you had sex with my dad.

To the girl I had sex with in the Ellsworth 4th Floor lobby: Welcome to the world of AIDS.

Last night, I masturbated to Teletubbies.

Tell Sasha Kahn to get a tan.

I don’t wanna talk about a vampire getting a tattoo of a cross. It’s been done enough!

Free-for-All, don’t even tell me you have crabs!

I hope my boyfriend, that cheated on my with five different girls, gets an STD!

To my cute bowling TA: You can oil my lanes any time you want.

If you’re not cheating, you’re just cheating yourself.

What’s it called when you have sex with beavers? Because that’s what I am.

Free for All: March 13, 2007

Hey Free-for-All, I just proved that violence is the answer! My iPod ...

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Free for All: March 15, 2007

Who put chopsticks into the holes on the intercom in Hash’s elevator? ...

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Free For All: March 7, 2007

March Madness, baby! Catch the fever.

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Free for All: March 8, 2007

My friend just told me I had DSL. That’s like the Internet, ...

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Free for All: March 14, 2007

I bet K-State doesn’t even teach evolution!

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Free For All: March 9, 2006

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Free for All: February 26, 2007

"So United Students can't even spell "student" in chalk. Am I really ...

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Free for All: February 28, 2007

All the brain-droppings, unanswerable questions and witty observations you'd expect from the ...

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Free for All: March 2, 2007

It's only been a week of Lent, and I've already messed up ...

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Free for all: March 9, 2007

Free for All. . . For all the guys who’d like to ...

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Free for All: April 30, 2007

My honors chem professor just made a pickle glow. Take that, regular ...

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Free for All: February 27, 2007

To the guy in Ellsworth who pooped in my bed: You’d better ...

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Free for All: May 8, 2007

My roommate just lost her shoe in the river on Tennessee.

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Free For All: February 23, 2007

I think I’m giving up homework for Lent.

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Your boyfriend has crabs

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Free For All: Sept. 10, 2007

Did anybody see the K-State video on YouTube? Don’t forget your power ...

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Free for All: March 1, 2007

I would like to know where these people were fixing potholes, because ...

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Free for All: February 1

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Free for All: April 13, 2007

I told my dad to put more money in my account because ...

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Free for All: April 27, 2007

Can you tell me why I’ve been waiting in the rain for ...

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Free for All: May 3, 2007

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

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Free for All: April 6, 2007

My female friend, who is straight, didn’t want to lose her virginity, ...

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Free For All: September 24, 2007

If a song is going to bleep out a word, they should ...

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Free For All: April 11, 2007

I’ve decided to wear black for the rest of the week to ...

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Free for All: Oct. 12, 2005

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Free For All: October 5, 2007

Why do we have a purple bra on the front page of ...

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Free For All: August 30, 2007

To the person who made the comment about the drumline: No sir, ...

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Free For All: October 4, 2007

To the guy who just stopped in front of me on the ...

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Free for All: April 10, 2007

I just got done using a handicapped stall, and I was wondering ...

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Free For All: May 9, 2007

Jack Sparrow dies at the end of Pirates of the Caribbean 3.

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Free For All: May 2, 2007

Thunderstorms are God’s way of giving hippies showers.

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Free For All: March 16, 2007

We’re definitely winning the Final Four. Colbert said it was going to ...

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Free For All: November 13, 2007

A beer bong is the solitaire of drinking games.

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Free For All: September 4, 2007

It’d be cool if cops drove minivans.

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Free For All: March 12, 2007

The sun on my tummy feels so good!

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Free For All: April 5, 2007

Free for All, my boyfriend was kissing this girl on the poster. ...

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Free for All: November 9, 2007

Join the Todd Reesing For Heisman group on facebook

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Free For All: October 22, 2007

The other day I had a flat tire, and I had three ...

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Free For All: Sept. 20, 2007

Finally, someone else realizes that Crocs are the root of all evil.

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