Free For All: March 7, 2007

By KANSAN

Wednesday, March 7, 2007

I just saw Santa at Iowa and 19th.

So, Ann Coulter called someone a “faggot.” In related news, Mrs. E’s makes me have to shit.

But seriously, Santa, you’re the shit. I love you.

What? Al Gore’s big houses cost a lot of money and power to run and heat? Global Warming must not be true.

Wiener.

How do people have time to run? Although, come to think of it, we have time to go get ice cream.

It really pisses me off when people won’t eat an M&M off the floor, but they’ll give their boyfriend a blow job.

I got bored while I was pooping, so I decided to call. You’re not very entertaining, either.

Coke is way better than Pepsi. I don’t care what anybody says.

I came to the conclusion that the Free-for-All is the devil, because I skipped two straight days of classes trying to say something clever enough to be in. Dude, I suck.

Free-for-All, I take that back. You don’t suck. I would have skipped regardless if I was calling to be in the Free-for-All.

Free-for-All, you should try a new deodorant.

Julian, do you want to win? How about you make your free throws, buddy? In case you don’t understand, missing free throws doesn’t win games. Don’t you want to win? You don’t want to win.

Free-for-All, how do I tell my girlfriend that I don’t that she wants to win? I mean, how do I tell her to get her head in the game? Could you help me out with that?

This is to the person who lost their keys by the Campanile: I turned them in at the Union Hawk Shop lost and found. Also, Croatia doesn’t exist.

To the girl who sits in the front of Math 101 class and corrects the TA constantly: Shut the fuck up. We do not care. We are not impressed that you think you’re smarter than the teacher, so back off.

March Madness, baby! Catch the fever.

To whoever found my phone in the street and returned it to Oliver: I owe you a beer.

I just went to Sonic and got a cherry limeade and no cherry. I guess that’s five dollars down the drain.

I hate NASCAR.

A girl just farted and tried to cover it up with a cough.

Brandon Rush just paid for IHOP with a hundred dollar bill.

To the two Douglas County Deputy Sheriffs that pulled us over at Clinton Lake: Thank you so much.

Free-for-All, could you do me a favor? Just tell Damaged Circus that it sucks.

My friend is so drunk. It took him 20 minutes to cover 100 yards.

I’ll stop putting crap in the Free-for-All when the UDK stops putting crap in the Free-for-All.

Spangles is an eye-sore. I bet you could see it from space.

I’m really in love with whoever left the Life cereal comment. You have my heart.

Ouija boards are scary.

I was walking home from school, and a squirrel crawled up my back and jumped onto the tree next to me. I almost shit my pants.

Free-for-All, you’ve been lame the last few days. Step yo’ game up!

Free-for-All, I just want to say you print the dumbest shit I’ve ever read in my entire life. So print this!

To the girl I gave that mushroom stamp to: I doubt that’s ever going to come off anytime soon.

I’m desperate for sex.

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I bet K-State doesn’t even teach evolution!

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To the guy in Ellsworth who pooped in my bed: You’d better ...

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Thank God someone is standing up for “manorexics.”

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All the brain-droppings, unanswerable questions and witty observations you'd expect from the ...

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Free for All, do a barrel roll.

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Free for All: March 2, 2007

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I just drove by Burger King, and I saw Julian Wright with ...

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Free For All: April 18, 2007

Free for All is my new addiction.

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Free For All: September 6, 2007

The comment before this one sucked.

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I don’t care if I am a bandwagon fan. The Red Sox ...

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There’s a fire drill, and I’m hiding in the closet. Shh, don’t ...

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Mario Chalmers has more hops than a brewery!

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I hate you, Park & Ride. Now I’m late for class. I ...

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