Friday, March 9, 2007
Dear Mother Nature,
Your attitude needs a serious change.
You’re a maddening tease. You get us all hot and excited and then out of the blue you give us the cold shoulder. Just when we think you’re going to expose your warmth, you cloud over. You need to stop flashing hints of what’s to come next. The anticipation is too much to bear.
We loathe your inconsistency. When we need to study, you’re gloriously beautiful. When we need to play, you’re miserably cold and windy.
Now we never know what to wear in the morning. We put away our scarves for the season and then pull them out the next day. We shiver on the way to class and sweat on the way home. Some have taken to layers. They’re comforting at first but then they get burdensome.
We’re sorry for giving off too much carbon dioxide but this is really no way to behave. How are we supposed to turn the heat off and walk instead of driving if you can’t keep us warm?
nutgraf
We recognize your awesome powers, but we just want to point out that we think you’ve been excessively temperamental lately.
Even Old Man Winter is annoyed with you. He said he usually spends more time with Old Woman Winter about now, but you’ve been keeping him so busy he has no time for her. You’re making him lonely and cranky.
We don’t want to piss you off. Please don’t send a microburst like you did last year. That wasn’t very nice either. We recognize your awesome powers, but we just want to point out that we think you’ve been excessively temperamental lately. Don’t you remember those warm sunny days with lemonades, the leaved trees and the sparkling pools?
Seriously, take a cue from the window shops downtown on Massachusetts: they’re loaded with bright colorful patterns, spaghetti straps, short skirts and board shorts. It should be obvious that we’re anxious to bust out our flip-flops and frolic in the bright green grass.
It would be really nice if you could just warm up. We know you’ve got it in you, Mother Nature. We haven’t forgotten the weeks of triple digits last summer. That’s not really necessary — we don’t want you to overstrain yourself, old girl — but a little more sunshine wouldn’t hurt anything. Come on, just a little less cold breeze. Ten more degrees. You can do 10 more, right? Give us some 70-degree days? Maybe an 80? Doesn’t 80 sound nice?
Think it over.
Sincerely,
The University Daily Kansan editorial board (and, like, everyone else too)
— Alison Kieler for the editorial board
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