Did we really need a professional survey to find out that the college student body is shallow and vapid? I don’t think so.

If someone finds my KU Bus Pass, can they please Facebook me? P.S. Darnell Jackson, will you please be my lover.

Could someone please tell me why the drinking fountains in Wescoe taste like Band-aids?

Whoever keeps putting Tech N9ne crap underneath my windshield wipers, please stop. I really don’t care about Tech N9ne.

I can’t even park this boat. How do you expect me to parallel park it?

I’ve got a great project for the engineering students. Let’s fix the steps outside the Underground the right way.

To whoever forgot their black scarf volunteering at the blood drive: I will be putting it in the NSCS cubicle in the Kansas Union Student Involvement and Leadership Center.

To the girl who called in about DSL: They’re definitely talking about dick-sucking lips.

Free for All, I don’t understand why it’s such a crime for a beautiful girl to still be a virgin at the age of 19, especially when it wasn’t her choice.

The Free for All is dank, dank, dank.

Free for All, I just saw someone like, shoot-out or something, the windows of Jayhawk Bookstore. That’s crazy.

We hate boys.

Free for All, I just got in a car with my friends and random guys. We just smoked, and the guy just threw up all over. Not a good night.

Hey Free for All, it’s 1 in the morning. I’ve got an organic test tomorrow, and I know I should be sleeping instead of dreaming about you.

Val, stop calling in “wiener” to the Free for All.

George Washington once held the hand of an opponents wife... in acid... at a party!

I was just calling for Rita. This is her mother. I would like her to call me back when she has the time. Thank you, buh-bye. (The phone remains on, with only background noise audible, for the next 45 seconds).

This is a shout-out to whoever put the shoes on the crosswalk sign by the Union. That’s great work. Nice job.

Fact: There is no place better on campus to poop than the Budig handicapped stall.

The sun on my tummy feels so good!

Note to self: Disgusting people get very defensive when you tell them they are disgusting via the Free for All.

What the fuck? How come the only people who tan topless on the hill are guys?

If you’re playing Scrabble, and you make the word “scrabble,” does that mean you win?

To the girl whose roommate needs to get laid: Where do you live? I’ll bring her roses!

I don’t understand why people are so obsessed with making fun of Ugg boots when there are other people walking around campus with no shoes on at all, just forming built-in sandals on the bottom of their feet. Those people are insane!

I totally just got called on wearing a Michigan T-shirt on the day of KU’s big game. Boy do I feel like an idiot.

I just had a girl in my English class ask what the point of poetry is.

Free for All, thank you for pulling the fire alarm and getting me out of class. I appreciate it.