Thursday, March 15, 2007
I met this guy two weeks ago and we hung out every day for a week. This week, we only hung out three times, but I’m certain it’s because he had a lot of homework. We talked about doing something this past weekend, but he never called. I called him and he apologized and then we made tentative plans — But then he broke those plans. What’s going on? I’m freaking out. He told me he likes me, so why is he acting this way? — Elizabeth, sophomore
Elizabeth, you need to pull over, ‘cause you’re doing 80 in a 25. You’ve known the guy for two measly weeks and you’re already spending every day with him? Put on the brakes.
Instead of agreeing to see him every time he calls you, force him to set dates with you. That way you’re not waiting by the phone wondering if you have plans tonight or not. Train him to book you in advance. He’ll place a greater value on you and you’ll also rest easier. And also, if you have set plans, he’ll have to call you when he needs to break them, as opposed to just leaving you hanging because your plans were tentative anyway.
OK, so now that you’ve slowed down, the next thing you need to do is stick your butt in a bucket of ice water, because you’re right, you are freaking out. There’s no need — you only had trouble getting together with him for two days. That’s another reason why hanging out too much too soon is a bad idea. It really screws up your perception of timing. Who knows what could have been going on for him this weekend?
Relax. He’ll call.
But if by Monday or Tuesday you haven’t heard from him, then you can start to let go of the loser. If he does call, which he probably will, say “Oh, don’t worry about this weekend. It’s no big deal.” He’ll probably want to hang out that same night; that’s when you say, “Sorry, I actually have a ton of homework tonight and I have a really busy week, but either Tuesday or Thursday would be good.” Then he picks a day. Then you pick a time. And then you have a date.
Keep it nice and slow from now on and you’ll have more time to figure out if you want to be dating this guy at all. Good luck.
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I’m really hot for my biology professor, and he’s into me too. He hasn’t done anything about it, but I’m having trouble concentrating in class. I daydream about him all the time. I’ve been thinking about going to office hours and asking him out. I know it’s a little taboo, but we’re both legal adults so it’s not a big deal, right? — Lisa, Freshman
Yeah, you’re both adults, so use your adult brain and think about the consequences. KU has clearly laid out the policy on relationships of “unequal power,” which you can find online at www.hreo.ku.edu/policies_procedures/other/ConsentRelation.pdf.
Basically, don’t start anything, and if you do, the University community won’t support you. You could also be screwing your grades (no pun intended) and doing a lot more damage to a lot more people than you realize. If this is true love, it can wait until the end of the semester.
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