Thursday, March 15, 2007
1. A number of the new George Washington dollar coins are mistakenly struck without the edge inscriptions, including “In God We Trust.” Surprisingly, America hasn’t suffered even a single biblical plague yet…
2. President Bush seeks 8,200 more troops for the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq on top of the 21,500 he requested in January. What do the War in Iraq and Grey’s Anatomy have in common? Really dumb people think both are great and get better with each episode.
3. Former Republican Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich admits he was having an affair while criticizing former President Clinton for his marital infidelities. Gingrich unfortunately bought into the convenient but false belief that “what happens in Congressional Break stays in Congressional Break.”
4. Chrysler Motors recalls nearly half a million Dodge Durango and Jeep Liberty SUVs. So basically, if you’re a poorly endowed d-bag, your vehicle is being recalled. If you’re a really, really huge d-bag with a really, really small penis, don’t worry, your Hummer is running just fine.
5. Comic book icon Captain America is killed in a recent issue by a sniper’s bullet. As soon as he was able to stop crying, President Bush used the superhero’s death as justification for an invasion of Iran.
6. KU men’s basketball defeats K-State for the third time this season and for the 35th time in the last 36 meetings. Looks like Huggins has adapted to Manhattan and their quaint custom of losing every game to KU rather nicely.
7. Winemaker Ernest Gallo dies at age 97. Fortunately for tacky, tasteless wine drinkers, Steve Franzia is still alive and healthy.
8. Brad Delp, lead singer of the rock band Boston, is found dead in his home. Although the cause of death is currently unknown, doctors have speculated that it was “more than a head cold.”
9. A new University of Pittsburgh study asserts that genetics may be the reason that some women are more ill-tempered than others. The study is the subject of chapter four in the book, My Girlfriend is F’ing Crazy: 101 Reasons That Women Act All Psycho and Stuff.
10. Laguna Beach star Jason Wahler is sentenced to two months in jail for drunkenly punching a city worker and tow truck driver while screaming racial slurs. And he seemed like such a cool guy on the show.
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