Free For All: March 16, 2007

By KANSAN

Friday, March 16, 2007

To the girl that danced in the elevator puddle: I’m glad you had a good time in my piss.

I have a chicken feather in my eyeball.

To whoever called in about the broken needles and the hippies: You are my soulmate. I just saw a guy barefoot, and it made me think of you.

Dear Kansas Men’s Basketball, I know 1900 wins is really awesome, but I’d really like to see 2,000 sometime in the next three years. So you’d better get on that. Love, your fan.

I have a ton of money and girls still hate me.

I was filling out my bracket on the Kansan’s page the other day. I’m not really sure who “Vergina” is, but I picked them to win it all.

To the girl that wiped out right in front of the bus: You made my day.

Hey Free for All, I have a secret. I went to Spangles, and I enjoyed it. It was yummy.

Hey Delta Force, I just littered! What are you gonna do about it?

To those of you that got hit with water balloons tonight: Be very afraid. It was just the beginning.

Free for All, Stephen Colbert just picked Kansas to win the NCAA Tournament. It’s for sure.

Stephen Colbert just said that the Jayhawks are going to go all the way, and he’s right. They’re gonna win.

We’re definitely winning the Final Four. Colbert said it was going to happen. It has to be true, because Colbert said it.

So, Stephen Colbert just picked us to win the tournament. Is this a good thing, or a bad thing?

Hi Free for All! I’m finally 21, and I am walking down Mass Street completely drunk, and I love it!

It’s 80 degrees outside, bitch! Take your Uggs off!

Yo bitch, what makes you think I won’t cut you?

Your face looks like a pizza! Delicious!

Can we get the number of the guy who does the voice recording for the Free for All? He sounds hot.

Free for All, I’ve come to life-changing decision. Seeing as it’s 3:11 in the morning, and I have four midterms tomorrow, I should probably start studying for them. Then again, sleep really does sound tempting.

I’m pretty sure my roommate is getting laid right now. It’s not fair. I deserve to get laid. I’m just as cute. I’m just as noisy as she is. I can hear them through the wall. They’re like banging the headboard. Eww. It’s not fair.

Why are there seagulls in Kansas?

The puddle I played in was definitely not urine! It was completely clear and freaking odorless! Probably. I didn’t get close enough to know. I just kinda splashed my foot, and I had shoes on!

Hey Free for All, just a correction. “Bryan” the manwhore is with a “y” not an “i.” Just a little typo, right there. Bye!

I got my cast off today. I get to masturbate again! Yay! Yay!

Free for All, I was just calling in because I wanted a comment, and those people were talking about me, like with the man purse thing. I just wanted to clarify that it’s a “tote,” not a man purse.

Free For All: April 4, 2007

Whoever is flying the kite in front of Templin: You’re adorable.

/news/2007/apr/04/free_all/

Free For All: August 20, 2007

Another year, another lack of busses coming on time. Oh joy. Oh ...

/news/2007/aug/20/free_all_august_20_2007/

Free for All: Dec. 11, 2006

Here is your Finals Free for All.

/news/2006/dec/11/free_all_dec_11_2006/

Free for All: August 23, 2007

Free for All, you can stand under my umbrella.

/news/2007/aug/23/free_all_august_23_2007/

Free for All: May 8, 2007

My roommate just lost her shoe in the river on Tennessee.

/news/2007/may/08/free_all/

Free for All: March 13, 2007

Hey Free-for-All, I just proved that violence is the answer! My iPod ...

/news/2007/mar/13/free_all/

Free For All: April 23, 2007

Free for All, if I had T-Mobile, you’d totally be in my ...

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Free for All: April 9, 2007

Hey Royals fans, I can’t hear you now. Oops! Two and one, ...

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Free For All: April 19, 2007

Why do people wear sunglasses on cloudy days?

/news/2007/apr/19/free_all/

Free for All: April 2, 2007

Does Gumby’s deliver to Wichita?

/news/2007/apr/02/free_all/

Free for All: May 3, 2007

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

/news/2007/may/03/free_all/

Free for All: April 10, 2007

I just got done using a handicapped stall, and I was wondering ...

/news/2007/apr/10/free_all/

Free for All: March 6, 2007

There’s a fire drill, and I’m hiding in the closet. Shh, don’t ...

/news/2007/mar/06/free_all/

Free for All: April 12, 2007

I’m just holding a phone up to my face and talking to ...

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Free for All: April 6, 2007

My female friend, who is straight, didn’t want to lose her virginity, ...

/news/2007/apr/06/freeforall/

Free For All: April 11, 2007

I’ve decided to wear black for the rest of the week to ...

/news/2007/apr/11/free_all/

Free for All: April 30, 2007

My honors chem professor just made a pickle glow. Take that, regular ...

/news/2007/apr/30/free_all/

Free for all: Oct. 17

/news/2005/oct/17/free_all_oct_17/

Free For All: August 27, 2007

To the cute girl in the red car who just let me ...

/news/2007/aug/27/Free_for_all/

Free for All: April 13, 2007

I told my dad to put more money in my account because ...

/news/2007/apr/13/freeforall/

Free For All: August 17, 2007

Free for All, I just got up at seven o’clock to go ...

/news/2007/aug/17/free_all_august_17_2007/

Free for All: September 28, 2007

I just put a dollar in the vending machine, got food and ...

/news/2007/sep/28/free_all_september_28_2007/

Free For All: October 29, 2007

College is evolving. We have Easy Mac instead of Ramen. Way to ...

/news/2007/oct/29/ffa/

Free for All: November 9, 2007

Join the Todd Reesing For Heisman group on facebook

/news/2007/nov/09/free_all_november_9_2007/

Free For All: May 2, 2007

Thunderstorms are God’s way of giving hippies showers.

/news/2007/may/02/free_all/

Free For All: April 5, 2007

Free for All, my boyfriend was kissing this girl on the poster. ...

/news/2007/apr/05/free_all/

Free For All: August 24, 2007

What happened to the horoscopes in the newspaper? Now I don’t know ...

/news/2007/aug/24/free_all_august_24_2007/

Free For All: August 28, 2007

Free for All, do a barrel roll.

/news/2007/aug/28/free_all_august_28_2007/

Free for All: February 28, 2007

All the brain-droppings, unanswerable questions and witty observations you'd expect from the ...

/news/2007/feb/28/free_all/

Free for All: April 3, 2007

Dear Free for All, how do you cook panda meat? I just ...

/news/2007/apr/03/free_all/

Free for All: March 14, 2007

I bet K-State doesn’t even teach evolution!

/news/2007/mar/14/free_all/

Free for All: September 11, 2007

You go to college because after waitressing for twenty years you’ll have ...

/news/2007/sep/11/free_all_september_11_2007/

Free For All: October 26, 2007

Guess what, I’m on my way to work right now, and I ...

/news/2007/oct/26/free_all_october_26_2007/

Free For All: October 10, 2007

Looks like someone forgot their power towel.

/news/2007/oct/10/ffa/

Free for All: February 26, 2007

"So United Students can't even spell "student" in chalk. Am I really ...

/news/2007/feb/26/free_all/

Free For All: April 16, 2007

I called because I didn’t know what you sounded like, and frankly, ...

/news/2007/apr/16/free_all/

Free For All: April 25, 2007

When is a door not a door? When it’s ajar!

/news/2007/apr/25/free_all/

Free For All: May 9, 2007

Jack Sparrow dies at the end of Pirates of the Caribbean 3.

/news/2007/may/09/free_all/

Free For All: March 26, 2007

I passed Buffalo Wild Wings as KU lost the game. I’m pretty ...

/news/2007/mar/26/free_all/

Free for All: March 29, 2007

I’m a white guy and I have spinning tires. However, my rims ...

/news/2007/mar/29/free_al/

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