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Editorial: Spring breakers beware

By Tasha Riggins

Friday, March 16, 2007

One too many redheaded slut shots, Nelly Furtado’s “Promiscuous” pulsating through the speakers and dozens of bodies rubbing up on each other: all the makings of a hot and heavy spring break.

Perfect, go and get you some.

However, if your Facebook status indicates that you’re in a relationship, maybe you should step away from the dance floor, put down the glow sticks and get some fresh air.

Even the slightest inkling to play the fields in uncharted territory could be a sign that you should break up with your significant other. Before you travel south.

A breakup, though almost never simple, is always easier than seeing that extra pain (or vengeful psychosis) in your lover’s eyes when you confess your disrespectful tourist trap stop. Or, if you choose not to confess, living with the guilt may eat at you like hungry tourists at a Las Vegas buffet.

Ignorance of the cheating laws is no excuse. So, if you need a quick brush-up on cheating 101 here’s a quick rundown of what significant others deem cheating.

Sex (obviously), blowjobs (this includes both those giving and receiving), kissing (this is widely debated among cheatologists, but it’s safe to put it in the cheating category) and naked interactions in a body of water — saltwater or fresh.

And for those of you still in denial, being in different time zones, zip codes or crossing state lines from your significant other still counts as cheating. The definition of “cheating” in New York is the same as in Kansas.

Cheating only takes half a second to begin and months to apologize and agonize about. Not to mention your suitcase will be significantly heavier on the way home because it will be full of souvenirs you bought at the guilt shop.

So when heading to your choice spring break destination, Just. Don’t. Do it.

— Tasha Riggins for the editorial board.

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