Kieler: News can be funny too

Monday, March 26, 2007

Nowadays a trip to the movie theater is rather pricey. Tickets cost around $8. There’s the requisite popcorn, which is chemically altered to induce thirst and requires the purchase of a soda. If paying for a date, double the cost.

With rising prices of movie-going, students would do well to recognize the entertainment value of the news. Contrary to popular belief, radio and televised news is not only a droning source of education but, in fact, a goldmine of entertainment.

Like comedy? News has got plenty of juvenile humor. Recently, for example, Israel’s former Ambassador to El Salvador was found drunk, bound and naked with sex toys in his own backyard. After being aided by the police he was promptly released from his position by Israeli authorities.

In Germany, a farmer is suing two youngsters for ruining his prized male ostrich’s sex drive and thus preventing the farmer from having highly profitable baby ostriches. The farmer claims that the boys, who allegedly threw firecrackers at the ostrich, psychologically damaged the bird, which was unable to perform sexually for six months after the attacks.

Attuned to war films? News is overflowing with battles. For a lesser-known piece of violent entertainment, keep updated on elephant rebellions in India. Over the last several years, misbehaved mammoths with an affinity for local communities’ freshly-brewed rice wine have trampled dozens of villagers during booze raids. In 2004, a troop of 20 or more elephants raided a village, scared off the inhabitants, and wreaked havoc after getting wasted. Their plan went awry when four were killed in a spontaneous attempt to take down an electric fence.

Of course, the news has no shortage of international spy and intrigue. Mystery abounds in Russia, where former KGB agent Alexander Litvinenko was poisoned to death late last year after accusing the government of murder. Not so ironically, since President Vladimir Putin came to office in 2000, numerous persons with anti-Putin beliefs have been murdered in manners that eerily resemble ex-spy techniques.

The news even provides a joyous story or two for the helpless romantics. If there isn’t an anecdote about a zoo’s brand new adorable baby animal or about Angelina’s international adoptions, there’s a sketch on a celebrity couples’ blissful whirlwind romance. No, they’re not permanent, but neither are movie stars’ enchanted relationships in the expensive films we see.

For those watching the bank account, entertainment from home can save a lot of money. Surfing BBC News, watching CNN and reading The New York Times can easily be done solo. In the event of a passionate distraction, these forms of entertainment can be freely revisited. Junk food can be bought cheaply for those who have to have it. Hey, one might even learn something worthwhile.

— Alison Kieler for the editorial board.

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