My boyfriend and I just got engaged, but I noticed he still has all his old letters and pictures with his ex-girlfriend. I feel like he should get rid of all that stuff if we’re going to be starting a new life together, but he says “that’s stupid.” I can’t help but feel bothered by this, though. Who’s in the right here? — Jenna, Senior

Jenna, my hope is that there actually is something going on there to be worried about, because if not, you are really insecure.  Insecure to the point where I fear for your future marriage, because it’s not going to last long if you’re going to be this jealous, controlling and, ultimately, needy.   So your boyfriend has a past.  His past might even have big boobs and a nice smile, but the key word is “past.” It’s over. It ended for one reason or another, and now he actually proposed marriage to you, a big step for a man to make.   Just because he wants to keep the old photos and letters doesn’t mean he’s still harboring hopes of a reunion or having an affair. They’re just life souvenirs. It happened, and it’s OK to acknowledge it.  If he doesn’t have any feelings for her, then keeping the pictures and photos isn’t harming anything. If he does have feelings for her, then throwing out the letters and photos isn’t going to change that.   If you’re so insecure because you have real reasons to suspect that she’s still in the picture, like he hangs out with her frequently, you know she’s been wanting him back, he keeps things secret from you, etc... then you need to confront him and think twice about that ring on your finger. But please drop the photo thing. As long as he doesn’t frame them and put them up on the wall in your new home together, he’s not doing anything worth giving a crap about.

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my boyfriend has been talking to a lot of girls on MySpace. I confronted him about it, and he said that he hasn’t actually met up with any of the girls in person, and that it’s just nice to have people to talk to. He also said it’s no different from making friends in “real life” and accused me of not wanting him to make new friends. What should I do? — Ariana, Sophomore

Do his new “friends” happen to have big boobs and MySpace names like “Stick it in Me”? If his new “friends” are all attractive females, then you have every right to feel as you do. Your boyfriend is disrespecting you and your relationship by spending this time online, messaging and chatting with these women. It doesn’t matter that he hasn’t met them in person...yet. If the conversation is that good, who knows where it could go from there? A bedroom most likely.

And it’s not the same as making friends in “real life” because if he had a class with a girl, for example, and they sat next to each other every day, it only makes sense that perhaps they would develop a friendship over grumbling about the professor, helping each other with homework, etc. But on MySpace, he’s seeking out women to “befriend” (and probably bed) and there’s an unspoken rule on social networking Web sites that they’re just dating Web sites in disguise. If you meet someone on MySpace it sounds less pathetic than meeting them on Match.com.

Even if

he really doesn’t have any intentions, he’s not being emotionally monogamous and he’s putting himself in risky situations. Tell him to cut off the communication with the girls or you cut things off with him. Let him live happily ever after with “Delicious XXX.”

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I want to see a counselor because I feel my relationship is rocky, but could still work out. my boyfriend thinks counseling is a waste of time and money.  What should I do? — Amy, Junior

You can’t make your boyfriend go to counseling, but you can go to counseling alone.  Oftentimes a counselor likes to see members of a couple individually anyway.  Even if your boyfriend doesn’t attend any sessions, if you change, then your relationship will change as well. He won’t be able to deal with and react to you in the same ways he used to because you are not the same anymore. So your changes will force him to change. You have more power than you think.  As Ghandi said, be the change you wish to see in the world.. or in this case, your relationship.