Free for All: May 3, 2007

By KANSAN

Thursday, May 3, 2007

My friend got a concussion from being closelined by a tree again.

Whoever called in to quote Mitch Hedberg about the Dr Pepper and Mr. Pibb is a moron.

When I asked my roommate whether the bra on the bed was hers or mine, she said it could only be hers after a $10,000 surgery.

Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both duelers are registered blood donors.

There’s a group of five naked guys running down Jayhawk Boulevard. I thought Gay Pride week was over.

To the girl in Anschutz this afternoon who was wondering if there is sugar in Coke: Yes. In fact, sugar is the main ingredient in Coca-Cola.

Ah, shut up Free for All! You got a tiny penis!

Free for All, who is on your board committee who chooses the comments that get published in the newspaper, because I’d like to complain to them. Give me their number.

I can’t decide what group of people are more cold-hearted, Hitler’s Nazis or the KU Parking Department.

Free for All, are you guys America? I love America!

I just flipped through three different channels, and Dr. Phil was on every single one. What has this world come to?

Every time somebody hands out a flier on Wescoe beach, a puppy dies.

Julian, I really need you to sign my jersey. Could you be at the Jaybowl next Wednesday? Thanks a lot, bye!

Brandon Rush, what’s up? My roommate’s going to be at the Jaybowl so Julian Wright can sign her jersey. Could you be there to sign my jersey, too? Thanks.

Hey Free for All, I’m gonna go falk some people.

The definition of “falking” is Facebook stalking. Falking is spelled F-A-L-K-I-N-G.

Free for All, I’ve never seen you looking so small. Are you feeling alright, buddy?

Sometimes, I wish pedestrians had turn-signals.

Yes, I am wearing shorts and a T-shirt. No, I didn’t look out the window. Yes, I agree, I am an idiot.

To the owner of the green Mazda: Your lights are on. Please turn them off, or your battery will go dead.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

I have the body of a god. Buddha!

(Heavy breathing) I’m so sick of (breath) walking upstairs. It’s ridiculous.

It smells like Lucky Charms marshmallows in Strong Hall on the third floor.

Another great idea from the Lawrence road services. Let’s fix pot holes in the middle of Iowa in the middle of the day while it’s raining. Good job, guys.

Free for All, I popped, locked, and dropped it, and now I have AIDS.

Free For All: April 11, 2007

I’ve decided to wear black for the rest of the week to ...

/news/2007/apr/11/free_all/

Free for all: Oct. 17

/news/2005/oct/17/free_all_oct_17/

Free For All: Sept. 17, 2007

I just saw van slam into a car, and it was awesome.

/news/2007/sep/17/free_all_/

Free For All: September 24, 2007

If a song is going to bleep out a word, they should ...

/news/2007/sep/24/free_all_september_24_2007/

Free for All: May 4, 2007

I found a hat that says "Jawhawk." What does that mean?

/news/2007/may/04/freeforall/

Free For All: April 23, 2007

Free for All, if I had T-Mobile, you’d totally be in my ...

/news/2007/apr/23/free_all/

Free for All: April 2, 2007

Does Gumby’s deliver to Wichita?

/news/2007/apr/02/free_all/

Free For All: April 5, 2007

Free for All, my boyfriend was kissing this girl on the poster. ...

/news/2007/apr/05/free_all/

Free For All: Sept. 10, 2007

Did anybody see the K-State video on YouTube? Don’t forget your power ...

/news/2007/sep/10/free_all/

Free For All: September 4, 2007

It’d be cool if cops drove minivans.

/news/2007/sep/04/free_all_september_4_2007/

Free for All: May 7, 2007

I got on the bus seat, out of the rain, and it ...

/news/2007/may/07/free_all/

Free For All: April 18, 2007

Free for All is my new addiction.

/news/2007/apr/18/free_all/

Free for All: April 12, 2007

I’m just holding a phone up to my face and talking to ...

/news/2007/apr/12/free_all/

Free For All: April 20, 2007

I just drove by Burger King, and I saw Julian Wright with ...

/news/2007/apr/20/freeforall/

Free for All: April 10, 2007

I just got done using a handicapped stall, and I was wondering ...

/news/2007/apr/10/free_all/

Free For All: October 22, 2007

The other day I had a flat tire, and I had three ...

/news/2007/oct/22/ffa/

Free For All: August 30, 2007

To the person who made the comment about the drumline: No sir, ...

/news/2007/aug/30/free_all_august_30_2007/

Free For All: October 30, 2007

I demand more mild weather days before it gets this cold.

/news/2007/oct/30/ffa/

Free For All: November 13, 2007

A beer bong is the solitaire of drinking games.

/news/2007/nov/13/ffa/

Free for All: April 6, 2007

My female friend, who is straight, didn’t want to lose her virginity, ...

/news/2007/apr/06/freeforall/

Free For All: March 26, 2007

I passed Buffalo Wild Wings as KU lost the game. I’m pretty ...

/news/2007/mar/26/free_all/

Free for All: April 9, 2007

Hey Royals fans, I can’t hear you now. Oops! Two and one, ...

/news/2007/apr/09/free_all/

Free For All: April 16, 2007

I called because I didn’t know what you sounded like, and frankly, ...

/news/2007/apr/16/free_all/

Free For All: April 25, 2007

When is a door not a door? When it’s ajar!

/news/2007/apr/25/free_all/

Free For All: March 27, 2007

I just saw a white guy with spinning tires. Is that even ...

/news/2007/mar/27/free_all/

Free For All: October 3, 2007

Somebody tell Taco Bell that “melty” is not a word. Although, it ...

/news/2007/oct/03/free_all_october_3_2007/

Free For All: September 7, 2007

My hands smell like syrup.

/news/2007/sep/07/free_all/

Free for All: April 27, 2007

Can you tell me why I’ve been waiting in the rain for ...

/news/2007/apr/27/freeforall/

Free for All: September 28, 2007

I just put a dollar in the vending machine, got food and ...

/news/2007/sep/28/free_all_september_28_2007/

Free For All: August 20, 2007

Another year, another lack of busses coming on time. Oh joy. Oh ...

/news/2007/aug/20/free_all_august_20_2007/

Free For All: August 24, 2007

What happened to the horoscopes in the newspaper? Now I don’t know ...

/news/2007/aug/24/free_all_august_24_2007/

Free for All: March 5, 2007

Spring has come again, which means the start of another baseball season, ...

/news/2007/mar/05/free_all/

Free For All: August 27, 2007

To the cute girl in the red car who just let me ...

/news/2007/aug/27/Free_for_all/

Free For All: March 12, 2007

The sun on my tummy feels so good!

/news/2007/mar/12/free_all/

Free for All: September 5, 2007

So Free For All, my roommates and I don’t know how to ...

/news/2007/sep/05/free_all/

Free for All: May 8, 2007

My roommate just lost her shoe in the river on Tennessee.

/news/2007/may/08/free_all/

Free For All: March 16, 2007

We’re definitely winning the Final Four. Colbert said it was going to ...

/news/2007/mar/16/freeforall/

Free for All: August 16, 2007

The band doesn’t play “Thriller” this year. Well, the games just won’t ...

/news/2007/aug/16/free_all/

Free For All: October 5, 2007

Why do we have a purple bra on the front page of ...

/news/2007/oct/05/free_all/

Free For All: October 8, 2007

Free for All, why in the world can’t people in this God-forsaken ...

/news/2007/oct/08/Free_For_All/

Free for All: May 3, 2007

People really need to get more creative with their insults for the Parking Dept....and by the way the writing of a parking ticket does not even BEGIN TO COMPARE to the systematic murder of millions and millions of people. I am sure any Holocaust survivor would agree with me.

Free for All: May 3, 2007

poppycock!