Free for All: May 4, 2007

By KANSAN

Friday, May 4, 2007

If you hit a black Jeep in the parking lot, please Facebook Maxx, M-A-X-X, and just apologize. Thank you!

OMG, I just saw two penises driving down Iowa Street.

I’ve been living in Hashinger for like a year now, and I think I have worms.

Don’t be a coconut. God is trying to talk to you.

My roommate just touched my underwear, and I touched hers too. Is that weird?

There was a real live squirrel in my Powerade machine this morning.

I hate when peoples’ turds don’t flush down the toilet no matter how many times you flush it.

Free for All, that girl just lied to you. She’s not in the bathroom. I’m sitting right next to her, and she is not anywhere near turds that aren’t flushing.

Your mom’s Free for All.

I just saw a Safe Ride guy get a ticket while I was driving drunk.

I found a hat that says “Jawhawk.” What does that mean?

“Free for All will put that in,” she said. But I said to her, “Your mom will put that in!”

The main ingredient in Coke isn’t sugar, it’s corn syrup. Sugar’s been replaced.

I just heard that someone’s relationship didn’t count because it wasn’t Facebook official.

Actually, water is the main ingredient in Coca-Cola, idiot.

A woman just ordered 11 Happy Meals at McDonald’s.

I’m the girl who passed out in Fraser, second floor. I just wanted to let everybody know I’m OK. They took care of me at the ER. I didn’t want everybody to be all worried about me.

I think we should have an Olive Garden in Lawrence.

Free for All: May 7, 2007

I got on the bus seat, out of the rain, and it ...

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My honors chem professor just made a pickle glow. Take that, regular ...

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Free for All: May 3, 2007

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

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Free for All: September 5, 2007

So Free For All, my roommates and I don’t know how to ...

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Free For All: October 22, 2007

The other day I had a flat tire, and I had three ...

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Free For All: April 5, 2007

Free for All, my boyfriend was kissing this girl on the poster. ...

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Free For All: September 6, 2007

The comment before this one sucked.

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Free For All: September 19, 2007

After all Britney has been through, leave Britney alone!

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Free For All: Sept. 10, 2007

Did anybody see the K-State video on YouTube? Don’t forget your power ...

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Free For All: April 23, 2007

Free for All, if I had T-Mobile, you’d totally be in my ...

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Free For All: November 13, 2007

A beer bong is the solitaire of drinking games.

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Free For All: August 22, 2007

Thank God someone is standing up for “manorexics.”

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Free for All: April 9, 2007

Hey Royals fans, I can’t hear you now. Oops! Two and one, ...

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Free for All: April 24, 2007

It just wouldn’t be Wescoe beach without the crazy flier hander-outers and ...

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Free for All: April 10, 2007

I just got done using a handicapped stall, and I was wondering ...

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Free For All: April 20, 2007

I just drove by Burger King, and I saw Julian Wright with ...

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Free For All: August 24, 2007

What happened to the horoscopes in the newspaper? Now I don’t know ...

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Free For All: April 25, 2007

When is a door not a door? When it’s ajar!

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Free for All: April 6, 2007

My female friend, who is straight, didn’t want to lose her virginity, ...

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Free for All: August 23, 2007

Free for All, you can stand under my umbrella.

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Free for All: April 2, 2007

Does Gumby’s deliver to Wichita?

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Free for All: March 29, 2007

I’m a white guy and I have spinning tires. However, my rims ...

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Free For All: April 11, 2007

I’ve decided to wear black for the rest of the week to ...

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Free for All: April 12, 2007

I’m just holding a phone up to my face and talking to ...

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Free for All: August 16, 2007

The band doesn’t play “Thriller” this year. Well, the games just won’t ...

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Free For All: March 26, 2007

I passed Buffalo Wild Wings as KU lost the game. I’m pretty ...

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Free For All: April 19, 2007

Why do people wear sunglasses on cloudy days?

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Free For All: Sept. 17, 2007

I just saw van slam into a car, and it was awesome.

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Free for All: April 27, 2007

Can you tell me why I’ve been waiting in the rain for ...

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Free For All: September 4, 2007

It’d be cool if cops drove minivans.

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Free for All: Dec. 11, 2006

Here is your Finals Free for All.

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Free For All: August 17, 2007

Free for All, I just got up at seven o’clock to go ...

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Free for All: March 6, 2007

There’s a fire drill, and I’m hiding in the closet. Shh, don’t ...

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Free For All: March 12, 2007

The sun on my tummy feels so good!

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Free For All: October 30, 2007

I demand more mild weather days before it gets this cold.

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Free for All: September 11, 2007

You go to college because after waitressing for twenty years you’ll have ...

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Free for All: March 30, 2007

Everyone was clothed in my chemistry class today. No big whoop. Just ...

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Free For All: March 9, 2006

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Free For All: March 16, 2007

We’re definitely winning the Final Four. Colbert said it was going to ...

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Free for All: May 4, 2007

It's time for Animaniacs, and we're zany to the max, so just sit back and relax, you'll laugh til you collapse, we're AN-I-MAN-I-ACS! Help me bring them back!