Free for All: May 7, 2007

By KANSAN

Monday, May 7, 2007

Is it legal if my R.A. steals my ball?

I got on the bus seat, out of the rain, and it was raining on the bus. Aint life funny?

To the person who called in and said there were five naked guys running down the street: There were six. Get it right.

I want to tongue plow your stink dish you swamp donkey.

I took the nastiest alcohol poop today. It smelled like baby crap in a bottle. It was awesome.

I was in the Union computer lab tonight, and seriously, sixty sorority girls got on every single computer and went on Facebook, simultaneously.

I’m so high, I’m going to have to take Safe Ride to work!

By the way, the main ingredient in Coca-Cola is carbonated water, not sugar. Get your facts straight.

Whoever changed the sign on 14th and Tennessee from “Road Closed Ahead” to “Road Head” is awesome.

Harry Osborne dies at the end of Spider-Man 3.

There are three kinds of people. Those who can count, and those who can’t.

Oh yeah, and the third one’s your mom.

I was just wondering if anyone else saw the flock of older women at Wescoe the other day, because I referred to the elderly as a “flock” like crows.

I wear my sunglasses at night.

To the girl that hit the black car in the Park & Ride lot, this morning: I totally saw you, and you shouldn’t have just driven off. You should drive without talking on your cell phone, idiot.

My boyfriend just broke up with me, and all I really miss is the sex. Is it weird that I miss sex so much?

Just because you’re a basketball player or a football player doesn’t mean that you can try and run over poor, white engineering students.

To the guy who wrecked his bike so he wouldn’t run into me: Thank you for hurting yourself instead of me.

Idiots, the main ingredient in Coca-Cola is carbonic acid.

Free for All, I want to put a hit out on Gumby’s. They’re not answering my damn calls anymore.

Gas is $2.99, are you out of your mind?

I don’t know what this feeling is I’m feeling. It’s not envy. It’s not even hungry. Maybe it’s love. I know what an erection feels like, Michael.

Has anyone ever noticed how Kid Rock and the guy from Rage Against the Machine have the same voice?

Is it bad that I gave my Bio 150 T.A. head to get an A in the class?

Free for All, I just got molested by a bunch of hippies! Please help me! Ow, ow!

I just got a DUI playing Mario Kart.

I feel like I was thrown into a blender and it was turned on full speed.

Free for All, I had to have sex with a fat girl last night, because you didn’t call me back. I am so peeved.

Happy Cinco de Mayo, Free for All!

I just got pulled over, and I was wasted, and they gave me two sobriety tests, and I passed them both! Eff the police!

Free for All, enlighten me. Who the fuck are ya?

If finals were a bodily process, they would be urination, because everyone has to do it, and it seems to happen a lot after urination.

The main ingredient in Coke is corn syrup. High fructose corn syrup. High fructose corn syrup is sugar!

Chi Omega, you have been warned. I’m getting a bulldozer for Stop Day.

Free for All: May 4, 2007

I found a hat that says "Jawhawk." What does that mean?

/news/2007/may/04/freeforall/

Nothing perfectly sweet

Get the scoop on the high-fructose corn syrup that’s in your sugary ...

/news/2009/feb/26/nothing_perfectly_sweet/

Letter: How high fructose corn syrup may ...

/news/2008/nov/06/letter_how_high_fructose_corn_syrup_may_be_benefic/

Free for All: May 3, 2007

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

/news/2007/may/03/free_all/

Free for All: April 2, 2007

Does Gumby’s deliver to Wichita?

/news/2007/apr/02/free_all/

Free for All: April 26, 2007

Why do I have to pay the same amount to get taught ...

/news/2007/apr/26/free_all/

Free For All: September 19, 2007

After all Britney has been through, leave Britney alone!

/news/2007/sep/19/free_all_september_19_2007/

Free for All: April 24, 2007

It just wouldn’t be Wescoe beach without the crazy flier hander-outers and ...

/news/2007/apr/24/free_all/

Free For All: September 4, 2007

It’d be cool if cops drove minivans.

/news/2007/sep/04/free_all_september_4_2007/

Free For All: September 7, 2007

My hands smell like syrup.

/news/2007/sep/07/free_all/

Free For All: March 27, 2007

I just saw a white guy with spinning tires. Is that even ...

/news/2007/mar/27/free_all/

Free for all: Oct. 17

/news/2005/oct/17/free_all_oct_17/

Free for All: April 27, 2007

Can you tell me why I’ve been waiting in the rain for ...

/news/2007/apr/27/freeforall/

McConnell: Increasing obesity — in moderation

/news/2008/nov/05/mcconnell/

Free for All: April 30, 2007

My honors chem professor just made a pickle glow. Take that, regular ...

/news/2007/apr/30/free_all/

English: Your field guide to USDA organic ...

/news/2008/oct/29/english_your_field_guide_usda_organic_labels/

Free For All: May 2, 2007

Thunderstorms are God’s way of giving hippies showers.

/news/2007/may/02/free_all/

Make over your breakfast

/news/2006/may/11/jp_makeoveryourbreakfast/

Free for All: August 16, 2007

The band doesn’t play “Thriller” this year. Well, the games just won’t ...

/news/2007/aug/16/free_all/

Free for All: March 29, 2007

I’m a white guy and I have spinning tires. However, my rims ...

/news/2007/mar/29/free_al/

Free For All: April 5, 2007

Free for All, my boyfriend was kissing this girl on the poster. ...

/news/2007/apr/05/free_all/

Free for All: April 12, 2007

I’m just holding a phone up to my face and talking to ...

/news/2007/apr/12/free_all/

Free for All: September 28, 2007

I just put a dollar in the vending machine, got food and ...

/news/2007/sep/28/free_all_september_28_2007/

Free For All: October 10, 2007

Looks like someone forgot their power towel.

/news/2007/oct/10/ffa/

Free for All: September 11, 2007

You go to college because after waitressing for twenty years you’ll have ...

/news/2007/sep/11/free_all_september_11_2007/

Free For All: August 20, 2007

Another year, another lack of busses coming on time. Oh joy. Oh ...

/news/2007/aug/20/free_all_august_20_2007/

Free for All: April 10, 2007

I just got done using a handicapped stall, and I was wondering ...

/news/2007/apr/10/free_all/

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Free For All: Sept. 10, 2007

Did anybody see the K-State video on YouTube? Don’t forget your power ...

/news/2007/sep/10/free_all/

Free for All: September 21, 2007

Community college sucks. I miss you, Free for All.

/news/2007/sep/21/free_all_september_21_2007/

Free For All: March 12, 2007

The sun on my tummy feels so good!

/news/2007/mar/12/free_all/

Free for All: March 13, 2007

Hey Free-for-All, I just proved that violence is the answer! My iPod ...

/news/2007/mar/13/free_all/

Free for All: March 1, 2007

I would like to know where these people were fixing potholes, because ...

/news/2007/mar/01/free_all/

Free For All: October 1, 2007

Let me reiterate, the $500 ResNet fee is ridiculous.

/news/2007/oct/01/Free_For_All/

Universities suspend Coke contracts

Allegations of employee susbstance abuse have lead 12 universities to suspend their ...

/news/2006/jan/26/coke/

Free for All: September 26, 2007

Just because we hide in your room doesn’t mean we have to ...

/news/2007/sep/26/free_all_september_26_2007/

Free For All: March 16, 2007

We’re definitely winning the Final Four. Colbert said it was going to ...

/news/2007/mar/16/freeforall/

Free for All: September 5, 2007

So Free For All, my roommates and I don’t know how to ...

/news/2007/sep/05/free_all/

Free For All: April 23, 2007

Free for All, if I had T-Mobile, you’d totally be in my ...

/news/2007/apr/23/free_all/

Free For All: April 19, 2007

Why do people wear sunglasses on cloudy days?

/news/2007/apr/19/free_all/

Free for All: May 7, 2007

Gas in California is $3.45 right now

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