Moore: A few tips for graduating Jayhawk fans

Things to do (and not do) once you are out of Lawrence and still carrying the KU banner

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By CJ Moore

Thursday, May 10, 2007

My fellow 2007 graduates:

Don’t move to hell.

If I could give you one piece of advice for the rest of your life, it would be not to move to Columbia, Mo. Because that’s pretty obvious, here are a few other tips to keep in mind for life after the University of Kansas.

When you pray — if you’re the praying type — always face the Mecca, Allen Fieldhouse.

Keep your ticket stubs.

Some day you’re going to get old and you can look at a ticket stub and remember when the Kansas football team finally beat Nebraska or when we sunk the goalposts and the Tigers and Wildcats at Memorial Stadium two straight times. Or when Keith Langford willed the Wayne Simien-less Jayhawks to victory on New Year’s day against Georgia Tech or the comeback against Kevin Durant and the Longhorns in your final game as a student at the Fieldhouse (oh wait, they quit giving us ticket stubs for basketball games).

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When you have kids, make them Jayhawk fans.

Root for your hometown teams.

If you move to another city, don’t adopt that city’s teams as your teams. It’s sports bigamy, especially if you start rooting for another college other than Kansas. The only exception would be if you’re from Kansas City, for example, and you move to a city with an NBA team. You can adopt that NBA team as your favorite.

When you have kids, make them Jayhawk fans.

Don’t give them any other choice. Take them to a game at the Fieldhouse and a game at Memorial Stadium. Teach them the Rock Chalk Chant and tell them why our mascot is the Jayhawk.

If your kid wants a Duke hat or a UNC hat, ground him.

Don’t name your son Phog. Because I already called it — hopefully the future Mrs. Moore will understand.

If you come back for a game, you have only a two-year window where it’s OK to sit in the student section and this is if — and only if — you have no other choice. And if your parents are with you, then under no circumstance is it OK to sit in the student section.

Don’t tear down goalposts. It wasn’t even a good idea when you were still in college.

Wherever you move, find fellow Kansas graduates and get together to watch the KU games. Because it gets weird when you are the only one doing the Rock Chalk Chant at a bar and no one has any idea what you’re doing.

Always pick Kansas to win it all in your office pool. It’s the right thing to do. Be really annoying and vocal during March Madness in your office if the ‘Hawks are still alive, especially if you have Mizzou and K-State grads as co-workers.

Don’t ask for autographs.

You lost that right when you hit puberty. Get a handshake or share a conversation instead. It makes for a better story and the athletes will appreciate it.

Don’t marry a K-State fan or graduate. Those “this is a split household” signs are not cute.

Never ever marry a Missouri fan or graduate. No need to expound on this one. Just don’t do it; your offspring will appreciate it.

And of course, remember to never move to hell.

It wouldn’t suit you. You’re a Jayhawk.

Moore is a Shawnee senior in journalism.

­—Edited by Lisa Tilson

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