Friday, November 16, 2007
Under normal circumstances, war does not affect the typical college student. Aside from an occasional offhand remark about the latest death toll or updated withdrawal proposal, the war doesn’t occupy our minds or conversations, or have need to. Combat in Iraq is a TV show, a statistic in the paper, a sad waste of our military resources, but beyond these distant outlets it isn’t really real. Most people our age are detached from the horrors of war, and have no desire to reconnect themselves.
Our parents burned draft cards and took to the streets. Our grandparents rationed gas and sugar. The war of the time shoved itself in the lives of every American, enlisted or not. But what about our generation’s war effort? There is a barrier between those who are affected by the war and those who aren’t. Those of us on the wrong side of the wall are marked with a deep-rooted sadness and sense of loss, staring at the other side with a mixture of envy and anger.
I am a future Marine wife, and until last Friday, I hadn’t seen my fiancé in almost eight months. Most of the time I felt alone, unsure of where to turn when I cried. When they found out my fiancé was serving his second deployment in Iraq, people didn’t know what to say, and instead they would bow their heads in an awkward attempt at something between a moment of silence and a nod of respect. I had crossed a social boundary and turned a light conversation into something much heavier; I brought in the human element of war, an unwelcome reality jolt for those who weren’t affected by IEDs and kill counts.
We are everywhere, those of us waiting for someone to come home, perpetually lighthearted and smiling because we know that no political science class or heartwarming tell-all book can help anyone understand what we go through, and we know that our situation is guaranteed to bring down the traditional carefree college air. We know that it’s necessary to continue on with daily life and that our loved ones are fighting to come home to us.
We hope for the best and prepare for the worst. After he left I accepted the possibility that the next time we were in church together, he could be lying in a casket instead of standing on the altar, that I could be in mourning black instead of wedding white. Military support groups insisted on avoiding watching the news, but unfortunately that wasn’t an option for a journalism student, and I would struggle through my everyday assignments. When a Marine was killed I couldn’t eat until the deceased’s name was released, and when it was I would cry with grief and relief. When I saw my fiancé for the first time upon his return, I rushed into his arms and clung to him. I thought of the four guys from his platoon who didn’t come home, and the families that weren’t there celebrating with us.
Even though he’s stateside now, we still can’t put Iraq behind us. Little things are an everyday ordeal. One night when fireworks were set off, he tensed up, his eyes glazed over into the thousand-mile-stare and suddenly I was the enemy and the faraway thunder of bright lights was insurgent gunfire. I know wives who have woken up in the middle of the night to their husbands choking them, shouting in broken Arabic with the telltale stare that accompanies post traumatic stress disorder.
It’s popular to advertise supporting the troops. But how does buying a magnet and joining a Facebook group really support the men behind the Kevlar? There is more to war than what is shown on TV and YouTube; the effects of a deployment carry over into the home life, the work life and the school life. It doesn’t just affect the troops themselves, it affects the lives of the loved ones left behind and the future of the relationships put on hold. The battles don’t end on the front line, and above my tests and papers hangs the reality that no matter how much I engulf myself with schoolwork and pseudo-sympathy from family, friends and teachers, when I get home the war will be there waiting for me.
McLeod is an Overland Park senior in journalism and Middle Eastern studies.
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Comments
McLeod: War hits home
I sympathize with Ms. McLeod and applaud her candor on this important matter.
I am curious as to how she is a "senior in journalism and Middle Eastern studies," when KU has no Middle Eastern Studies program, nor any such department.
Perhaps she is minoring in Arabic? Religious Studies? Political Science? History? Or might she be getting her Master's degree in International Studies?
If she is indeed majoring in Middle Eastern studies at the University of Kansas, then I applaud her incredible talent: few students can major in a program that does not exist.
McLeod: War hits home
Unfortunately, putting "and a co-major in International Studies with an emphasis in the Middle East" takes up too much space on the byline, jerk. Find something more worthwhile to do than ragging on columnists' bylines.
McLeod: War hits home
I think what you actually wrote, at least considering the message that was e-mailed to me was:
"The user elmtreeku sent the following message to you via The University Daily Kansan:
==============================
thanks for your nice comment about my column, the one where I POUR MY HEART OUT ABOUT MY FIANCE COMING HOME FROM WAR.as for my incredible major, unfortunately, putting "and a co-major in International Studies with an emphasis in the Middle East" takes up too much space on the byline, jerk. Find something more worthwhile to do than ragging on columnists' bylines.
==============================
Please do not reply to this e-mail message. To send elmtreeku a response, visit this Web page:"
McLeod: War hits home
I am a wife of a US Marine. We live out in Camp Pendleton, CA. Because you are in Kansas, away from all the other Marine families, that is the reason why you are not really finding the support you need. Out here with the other Marine wives, its easy to find support and understanding of what you are going thru. Semper Fi & Rock Chalk
McLeod: War hits home
Its both thousand-mile and thousand-yard. Look it up.
And that was the whole point of the column, that because I'm in Kansas and on campus, we (myself and the other people here on campus) don't get the support we would elsewhere. Yes, I would imagine finding support at Camp Pendleton (where my fiance is stationed and where I lived for three months) is easier than finding it among college students.
McLeod: War hits home
Um, as a journalist, McLeod seems awfully defensive. She better get used to people criticizing her - it's what people do to the media. Calling people jerks, telling them to look stuff up, and snippily pointing out the "point" of her column won't endear her to any readers - without which, she won't have a job.
McLeod: War hits home
I don't want Ms. McLeod to be defensive on this point, but she might be. And, I make my point with good will. College writing in college newspapers should be meticulous. So, here goes:
I don't know how accurate it is for a college senior in 2007 to say that her parents burned draft cards and that her grandparents rationed sugar. This may be true in Ms. McLeod's family.
But I'm pretty sure the average parent age for the average college undergrad is early to mid-40s, meaning that people in that age group would have been barely in their teens when the Vietnam War ended in 1975. The draft had been abolished for a couple of years by that time.
It's more likely that the grandparents of today's college undergrads were burning draft cards, etc.
Nit-picking? No, just some constructive advice for accurate college newspaper writing, in hopes of making a quality article even stronger.
McLeod: War hits home
First of all, Ms. McLeod's column is very good and it's obvious she put her heart into it, which makes her defensiveness understandable. At times, as a journalist, she will need to defend/justify what she writes, and she will need to do so without the prickliness evident in her responses. That will come with time and experience. However, there are colunmists who write with acid tongues and they do have loyal followings. Depends on the writing and the audience.
As far as the comments, one must be careful what s/he writes so as not to come across as either shallow, ignorant, or both. Concern about a writer's by-line is trivial at best.
Feeling of isolation outside a military community is the point of the column. I find it interesting that the pain of a war that is supposed to be such a threat to our way of life is only being felt by less than 10% of the population. We need to be supportive these families no matter where they are.
Regarding the age of Ms. McLeod's family, I would say she is correct as she would know her family's history. Don't forget, women of the 60s and 70s were the first feminists (remember hearing about the ERA Amendment?) and many delayed having children until their late 20s and early 30s, if not later. I would guess that many of KU students' (especially seniors and beyond) parents are in their late 40s and early 50s (many of the ones I know are) - which would've put them in the thick of the war protests (or at least been aware of them) in their junior high/high school/college years.
All in all, good discussion is healthy for a free press!
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