McLeod: There’s an abuse double standard

I would certainly not discount the experience of women who are abused. I have prosecuted many domestic violence cases, I was one of the attorneys who instructed the Wichita Police Department on the Wichita Domestic Violence Program at its inception, and I acted as a victim advocate once Wichita adopted its Domestic Violence Program. I have also served as a judge on numerous domestic violence cases. I do not remember acquitting a single defendant. Further, I will admit that, generally, a man can do more damage to a woman than a woman can do to a man.

Having said that, I would note that a study in the mid-1990's found that in over 2/3 of domestic violence incidents, it was the woman who introduced the violence. The man would not hit the woman until she hit him, then "the gloves came off." One of the best ways for a woman to avoid being the victim of domestic violence, is to not become violent first.

This study matches my observations quite closely. You would not believe the number of men who have asked me what they were supposed to do when their wives or girlfriends hit them. I always tell them that they have to just leave. They cannot retaliate. They must use only the minimum force necessary to escape.

I would also note that domestic violence against men is grossly under-reported. Men are reluctant to call the police, because society ridicules men for being unable to handle getting hit by a girl. Even when the police are called, they frequently do not take the man's complaints seriously.

I have been involved in several cases where the man never hit the woman. He called the police, then tried to push past her to get out the door, because she was beating him. Yet when the police arrived, they arrested him. Word of such incidents spreads quickly, discouraging men from even reporting domestic abuse.

Ms. McLeod is absolutely right. There is a double standard. But it doesn't hurt only men. The double standard actually increases the amount of domestic violence against women. First, as Ms. McLeod said, women view it as "assertive, not abusive," so they become violent more frequently, causing the man to feel justified in retaliating. Second, men either believe the police and courts will not help them, so they take matters into their own hands, or they believe they will be arrested anyway, so they have nothing to lose.

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• Posted by jbarrett on November 30, 2007 at 8:47 p.m.
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McLeod: There’s an abuse double standard

If there is a person or persons sending the message that physical violence by women against men is empowering and encouraged, Ms. McLeod should identify those sources.

To refer to some vague "cultural laws" in order to support points is bad journalism that sets a bad example.

What women, specifically, view hitting men as "assertive, not abusive"? Where are they? Why do they have so much influence? How did they get it?

There are some good points here. Writing against violence is always a welcome act. But personally, I'm more worried about the KU woman who's probably still sitting at Lawrence Memorial, unable to walk without assistance while her accused attacker, a male KU student, is in California rehab, waiting for his high-priced lawyer to craft his case.

McLeod claims: "We may be physically smaller, but women are vicious, and are much more likely than men to attack someone with a foreign object, anything from a table lamp to a rolling chair. We bite, we scratch, we kick and we pull hair."

These are not self-evident truths but McLeod presents them as such. She has no credibility in using the pronoun "We"--she can speak for herself if she likes, but not for all women.

Her overall implication is that women are essentially nuts and out-of-control, and this leads me to conclude that McLeod has a negative view of herself and women in general.

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• Posted by differentdrummer on December 3, 2007 at 3:59 p.m.
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McLeod: There’s an abuse double standard

I will admit that it's more often men that are physically abusive to women, and many of these instances are unprovoked. The double standard here is that women are typically viewed as the "weaker sex" by society in general and therefore men are not suppose to hit or otherwise "man handle" a woman. But when women are overlooked for a sport, job, or anything else deemed too hazardous or difficult for women due to their "weaker" physical stature, there is an overwhelming outcry of discrimination. Conceivably a woman could sue for the right to be considered equally qualified as a man to hold a position such as underwater welder or large equipment operator, citing herself just as physically capable as a man. Then she goes home that day, gets in an argument with her husband in which she physically strikes him and if he retaliates in kind he is considered in the wrong.

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• Posted by Blueeyed on December 14, 2007 at 5:04 a.m.
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