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Bar-tiquette

By Kyle Gray

Thursday, October 18, 2007

The unspoken rules of the bar can sometimes be just as sticky as the bar itself. Given the permission to bitch and moan, seven local bartenders were more than ready to lay down the commandments of proper bar etiquette—Bartiquette. Here are the five most important rules of the watering hole.

Know Thy Bartender

A man walks into the Phoggy Dog, 23rd and Iowa streets, and before he can get to the bar, Paul Goebel, Shawnee junior, asks him if he’ll have his usual bottle. After seeing he’s taken care of, Goebel tells him the burgers are two-for-one tonight and, if the Mrs. isn’t making him dinner, he’s got him covered.

This is a prime example of how getting to know your bartender can work out for you in the long run. The general consensus is that if you are nice to your bartender, they’ll be nice to you. It’s just common sense.

There is one loophole that bartenders had to this rule. “Getting to know your bartender can work against you, too,” says Rob Gillaspie, bartender at the Replay Lounge. “They could get to know you and figure out real quick you’re an asshole.”

Leaveth Thine Ladies Be

Gillaspie was also adament about how to treat women at bars. He tells all the men at bars to stop hassling the ladies. He jokes that when you scare off the ladies, the guys tending the bar don’t have anyone around to make them feel better about themselves.

Lindsay Major, Buffalo Grove, Ill., senior, says that you should also keep your hand on your cup at all times. She goes on to say that you aren’t going to fall in love at a bar, and the people you meet at a bar don’t love you.

“You never know what someone could slip into your drink, and for that same reason, don’t go home with someone you just met,” Major says.

The same rules that apply to the women in front of the bar go for the the women behind it. Rachel Wagner, a bartender at Old Chicago, 2329 Iowa St., says that it doesn’t matter how often you come to a bar, don’t feel free to get touchy feely, or hit on the female bartenders.

Know Thy Limits

If you’re standing at the bar, ordering shot after shot and ducking in the corners to puke, that not only makes you a bad drinker, but also a bad customer. Of all the bartenders I interviewed, the majority warned about beligerent customers who didn’t know their limits.

Not only does it upset the bartenders, it annoys the other customers.

“At that point it’s not a good time anymore,” says Kristin Hoppa, Olathe senior. “Not only is puking not a good time, it’s not hot. No girl wants to go home with a guy who has his lunch all over himself.”

A good rule of thumb: When you feel your buffalo wings defying gravity, slow it down a bit and switch to a little water.

Know Thy Drink

The bartenders at both Quinton’s, 615 Massachusetts St., and the Replay Lounge, 10th and Massachusetts St., were adament about customers knowing what they want., especially Gillaspie.

“Don’t order a stupid drink, or for that matter, a drink that doesn’t exist,” Gillaspie says. The guys at Quinton’s agree.

“Don’t order an obscure shot and not only expect us to know it, but get pissed when we don’t,” says Matt Bantle, senior and bartender at Quinton’s.

It’s a short and sweet rule. If you say you’re ready to order, make it snappy. Don’t be wishy-washy and don’t make up drinks. Not everyone knows what an Alabama Butt Crack is.

T-I-P

It’s the cardinal rule of going out. It’s the end all, beat all of the bartender etiquette. When asked what his or her biggest pet peeve was, every bartender started out with, “People who don’t tip.”

If you simply start out with a generous tip, not only will the bartender see you as a good customer, they’re more likely to take care of you, be more attentive to you, and let some outrageous behavior slide.

Debra Ginsberg, author of Waiting: True Confessions of a Waitress, sums up a good customer as someone who’s there to eat and drink and not expecting a cheap therapy session. “I’m not responsible for your problems with your husband, mother, boss, or kids so don’t take it out on me. I don’t set the prices so don’t blame me for that either.”

“Know what you want when you tell me you’re ready to order. Oh yes, perhaps the most important quality of a good customer: A good tipper.”

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