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Free For All: October 29, 2007

By KANSAN

Monday, October 29, 2007

To all the freshmen who are sitting behind me in Dr. Holmes’ Psych 104 lecture class: Shut up. No one cares how much your computer cost.

Why is the sound for punching always “pssh, pssh”? It just doesn’t make sense.

College is evolving. We have Easy Mac instead of Ramen. Way to go, Easy Mac. Way to go.

Free for All, I have a bruise on my leg and a bruise on my face. Do you know how I got them? I don’t remember.

I just got lassoed by Superman in the intersection on Iowa. What should I do?

Why does my National Guard shirt I got today smell like bacon?

The doctor said this one’s the clap, but it feels more like the applause.

I’m not quite sure, but I think I just saw a banana riding a bicycle.

I personally think the Rockies are gonna win the series.

I think there’s a damn elephant upstairs!

Seriously, if you want to do another Halloween story about witches, talk to my ex-wife.

How is it that the lady on the Cici’s Pizza commercial can pick up the hot pan that’s coming out of the oven with her bare hand?

I’m bored, Free for All. Entertain me.

(Belch)

Writing a paper on whether the Big Mac or the Whopper is better is the most satisfying thing I’ve ever done.

To the guy in the blue shirt and the jeans, who just pissed on the DSH office doors: I’m staying over at GSP and I totally saw you do that. Way to go, man.

Love shack, baby, love shack! Love shack, baby, love shack!

If every time somebody lit a cigarette it exploded, I would be okay with that.

I think Mark Mangino needs to be on the front row of the student section for the first Big 12 conference game.

To the frat guy who tried to get me to donate money to his cause on Wescoe Beach: Making fun of people isn’t the best way to get that done. Why don’t you sell your daddy’s Beamer and donate some money of your own?

Or the Beamer your daddy bought you. One of them. Figure it out.

The elevators in Wescoe keep opening up without anyone inside of them. They’re trying to beckon me to my death.

This is for all the hippies with the “Save the Wakarusa Wetlands” bumper sticker. That’s a man-made wetland. It never existed before we made it. Take your sticker off.

I saw Satan on campus wearing Uggs.

Can you still say “fuck” in the Free for All?

My clutch smells like beer. Is that a bad thing?

Why does it look like they’re building a ramp to Chi Omega? It kinda looks like they want another car to jump into it.

Maybe you would be cooler if you took off those Ugg boots, you idiot sorority girl.

If you lost your phone outside of Wescoe, I dropped it off at the Watson Library desk.

Holy crap! Mark Mangino is on ESPN!

Hey! I’m in Costa Rica, and I just got robbed, but I don’t give a fuck because I’m drunk!

My friend masturbated in the Hyatt dumpster.

The new corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Rocky loves Emily.

I’m in the first floor of Watson Library right now and really horny. I wanna jack off so bad.

You just had sex with Chuck Norris!

McAnderson, you magnificent bastard!

Fuck diets. I’m eating at Taco Bell.

Hit it! Hit it hard!

Free for All, I’m the D.D., and I’m drunk.

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