Free For All: Sept. 13, 2007

By KANSAN

Thursday, September 13, 2007

I’ve come to learn that the Jesus fish is a neon sign that says “I drive slow.”

It’s so nice outside. I can’t wait to go home and take a nap.

What’s the difference between a goat and a power towel? A goat’s been a part of K-State tradition for decades.

I really want to smash all the rocks in my geology lab.

Having a war against terrorism is a lot like having a war against jealousy, because you’ll never be able to defeat the opponent. You can’t defeat an ideology.

Shut up, big guy!

I have a friend. He eats beads so his poop will be cool colors.

I just saw the same midget walk on Mass. My life is twice as complete!

Are there any good, country girls what like good, country boys out there?

Hey, my name’s everybody, and I call the Free for All to tell you everything.

Friendship is like peeing in your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.

Europe is one big, fat party.

Free for All, you’re a power towel! I’m sorry, that’ an outrageous claim.

I know so much more about computers systems than the poo-flinging monkeys that run IT where I work.

If anyone found a black video iPod in Wescoe 3140, could you please turn it in to the Underground? Thank you.

What if I forgot my power towel?

Crocs might be comfortable, but you still look like a dumbass.

Tell me why it’s more expensive to park for the Royals game than it is to go to the Royals game.

To the three hotties in the Mustang: I’ll jump-start you anytime.

My English doesn’t know what a metaphor is, but she apparently know more about Global Warming than everyone.

The Blue Barracudas can kick the Silver Snakes’ ass any day.

Christopher Walken is showing up in the middle of the movie, and you’re totally going to say “Holy shit, look, it’s Christopher Walken!”

Running into you like this, without warning, is like catching a whiff of tequila in the morning, but I’ll try, try to keep my food down.

Crap. I just saw my first pair of Ugg boots, already.

Professor, have you no respect for the dead? No respect at all?

Come on, people. If you’re going to chalk on the sidewalks, the least you could do is spell “Wednesday” correctly.

In my class, Mario Chalmers just taught me that once you go black, you never go back.

If I don’t want to go to my doctor appointment, do you think I could call in sick?

I just saw a fat girl pushing a stroller. I guess she got her lunch to go.

What would you do for a Klondike Bar?

Free For All: October 8, 2007

Free for All, why in the world can’t people in this God-forsaken ...

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Free For All: Sept. 10, 2007

Did anybody see the K-State video on YouTube? Don’t forget your power ...

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Free For All: Sept. 17, 2007

I just saw van slam into a car, and it was awesome.

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Free For All: October 10, 2007

Looks like someone forgot their power towel.

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Free For All: August 24, 2007

What happened to the horoscopes in the newspaper? Now I don’t know ...

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Free For All: Sept. 18, 2007

Screw the K-State Power Towel. If you’re going to the KU, K-State ...

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Music guy

A road map to music utopia

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‘Power’ towels have a long history in ...

Teams like the Steelers and Twins used towels as motivating tools.

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Free for All: September 11, 2007

You go to college because after waitressing for twenty years you’ll have ...

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Free For All: April 4, 2007

Whoever is flying the kite in front of Templin: You’re adorable.

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Free for All: September 5, 2007

So Free For All, my roommates and I don’t know how to ...

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Free for All: May 7, 2007

I got on the bus seat, out of the rain, and it ...

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Free For All: May 9, 2007

Jack Sparrow dies at the end of Pirates of the Caribbean 3.

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Free for All: February 27, 2007

To the guy in Ellsworth who pooped in my bed: You’d better ...

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Free for All: September 21, 2007

Community college sucks. I miss you, Free for All.

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Free for All: April 30, 2007

My honors chem professor just made a pickle glow. Take that, regular ...

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Stewart: Consumer culture: So easy a caveman ...

If taking it to the extreme is what a group of people ...

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Free for All: February 26, 2007

"So United Students can't even spell "student" in chalk. Am I really ...

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Free For All: April 5, 2007

Free for All, my boyfriend was kissing this girl on the poster. ...

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Free for All: April 2, 2007

Does Gumby’s deliver to Wichita?

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Free For All: October 3, 2007

Somebody tell Taco Bell that “melty” is not a word. Although, it ...

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Free For All: April 23, 2007

Free for All, if I had T-Mobile, you’d totally be in my ...

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Reichert: Why your dates are going horribly ...

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Free For All: March 7, 2007

March Madness, baby! Catch the fever.

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Free for All: September 27, 2007

I think I just saw an oompa loompa.

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To hell and back

A fight outside Naismith Hall began Thor Nystrom's year-long journey into the ...

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Good bad and ugly advice: on unexpected ...

Three of our columnists take a humorous stance on a serious subject.

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Reichert: Why lawyers are fighting depression

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Carmichael: Sandwich-growing trees, how do those work?

Columnist explores possibilities of genetically-modified life.

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Real weight loss starts with realistic goals

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Free For All: October 22, 2007

The other day I had a flat tire, and I had three ...

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Team faces rival in Kauffman stadium

Kansas baseball will play Missouri tonight at the home of the Royals.

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Free For All: March 27, 2007

I just saw a white guy with spinning tires. Is that even ...

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Question & Answer with Mike Tuley of ...

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Weighed Down

One Jayplay writer spends years trying to cope with body image issues

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Free for All: April 26, 2007

Why do I have to pay the same amount to get taught ...

/news/2007/apr/26/free_all/

Free For All: March 12, 2007

The sun on my tummy feels so good!

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Goble: Watching the Royals pays off

Soria closes ninth-inning lead , restores confidence in team.

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Free For All: August 27, 2007

To the cute girl in the red car who just let me ...

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