Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Every morning I wake up from a restless sleep that was filled with tossing and turning. After my anticipated alarm screams at me, I switch it off and lie there to dread the day that will be filled with exaggerated worry and stress.
After I stand up, my heart begins to pound and my palms begin to sweat. The day is new, now I have to get through it.
This is how I work, and how I think, because I, along with 40 million American adults, have an anxiety disorder.
The disorder I’ve recently been diagnosed with is called Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). Shortness of breath, irritability, muscle tension, fatigue, heart palpitations and extreme worry are all indicators of anxiety, but when one is diagnosed with a disorder, these symptoms are frequent and long-term.
There is no clear cause of why the anxiety develops, but the disorder usually starts by having negative anticipations of the future and excessive worry. Also, expecting the worst as if it will happen or is happening is also a huge indication of GAD.
Tracing my past, I’ve realized GAD started to develop in junior high. I remember putting extreme pressure on myself in almost every situation at school, and everything I did was never good enough.
If I played horribly during a basketball game, or didn’t get an ‘A’ on a test, I’d torture myself by thinking I was worthless, and eventually, I started to believe it.
After my confidence plummeted, my negativity increased, and because my outlook on my future never looked promising to me, I began to worry.
I kept telling myself to “suck it up” and get over it, but it kept getting worse. Negativity and worry started to consume me.
Last year, I began college, and the changes only fueled my disorder. I felt as if I were slowly destroying myself by overly worrying about college demands. I couldn’t focus in class, my grades weren’t where I wanted them to be, my relationship with my family was deteriorating, and I isolated myself from my close friends. Everything seemed to be caving in until I finally broke down and saw a therapist.
To my surprise, many people I’ve talked to have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder as well.
“I was diagnosed at 14,” Anna Sobering, Dallas sophomore, said
“I hated meeting new people, I never wanted to sleep over at other people’s houses, and I wouldn’t want to go to summer camps. My parents didn’t understand me at first, so I thought I was going crazy. Fortunately, they finally understood and I saw a therapist and was put on medication.”
Taking prescribed medication and seeing a therapist may seem dramatic. But by doing so, it’s a huge relief. Even therapists have therapists, and it seems everyone, no matter how together they have it, could benefit from talking to someone professional.
But don’t fret about the costs. The University actually provides assistance with a program called Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS). They provide care for the mind, and the first consultation is free. Anytime after that, an individual session is $11. Also, there is a world of helpful advice located under the Watkins Health Center Web site for coping with stress. Even if a disorder isn’t the case, it wouldn’t hurt to take a look.
Osterhaus is a Seneca sophomore in journalism.
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