Pope/Snyder: The first-day survival guide that you forgot

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Pope: With the first day of classes finally here, a new batch of freshmen has descended on campus, ready to vomit all over your SafeBus seat. This has led me and my colleague Ryan to thoughts of our early college years — a time of strange hair growth, odd feelings towards cootie-infested females and the lack of education regarding zombie survival techniques on campus.

Ryan: Here are the procedures for surviving the undead uprising.

KANSAN

With the first day of classes finally here, a new batch of freshmen has descended on campus, ready to vomit all over your SafeBus seat. Here are the procedures for surviving the undead uprising.

Pope: From our time spent educating the most inattentive of crowds, we understand most of you may not be fully convinced that any of this is possible.

Ryan: Why should you care? Skeptics, picture this.

Pope: Early morning. A sleepy campus wakes as the new day’s sun showers its golden rays upon a deserted Wescoe Beach. A small rabbit attempts to cross vacant Jayhawk Boulevard but stops in its tracks, eyes wide with fear as it is slowly engulfed by the approaching shadow from an army of shuffling figures, their faces gaunt, their eyes murky pools reflecting the emptiness beneath. The rabbit turns to flee, but it is pointless. Soon the area is overrun by the living dead.

Ryan: Zombie apocalypse or an average morning on campus?

Pope: Don’t say we didn’t warn you. You’re welcome.

Pope is a Kansas City senior in English. Snyder is a Leawood senior in English.

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