Guy: We had porn and chicken night at my place.

Girl: (to herself) And then they choked their chickens.

Girl: People with neck tattoos are hardcore. People with neck tattoos will murder you.

Guy: Have you guys seen the previews for the new Star Trek?

Girl: Wow. That’s embarrassing.

Guy: (to girl) Hurry! You only have a few more months to drop off all your illegitimate children in Nebraska.

Guy: There’s nothing sexier than a bearded woman.

Girl: Does your girlfriend have a beard?

Guy: I don’t know. Probably.

Girl: I am so depressed. Somebody get me a bran muffin!

Girl 1: Did you hear that someone found a male penis in a Tostitos salsa jar?

Girl 2: As opposed to a female penis? Guy 1: Why does Kenny hate Adam?

Guy 2: Because Adam stole his blender. But then he got revenge by sleeping with Adam’s sister.

Guy 1: I’d still rather have the blender.

Girl 1: All you need is Jesus.

Girl 2: No, all you need is a good vibrator.

Guy 1: Why don’t they make “B” batteries?

Guy 2: Because it would sound like you were stuttering.

Guy 1: I bought a knock-off watch from that crack head at the gas station. It’s probably stolen.

Guy 2: No, no. He said that the mall was just cleaning out their inventory.

Guy: My stomach just dropped out of my vagina.

Guy 1: What do you think of Uggs?

Guy 2: I think they look like manatees.