White: Two-party system is like an abusive relationship

Monday, February 11, 2008

I received a text message last Tuesday night from a friend of mine saying, “Holy crap, the Democratic caucus turnout is insane!” And my first reaction on receiving this was to think, “Yeah, well that's what happens when one party consistently disappoints the nation for eight straight years. Of course the opposition is going to see a rise in interest.”

On reflection though, something terribly sad becomes apparent. The voting American public is like some battered woman in a bigamous relationship with two equally abusive men. She'll go running to one to escape the pain and anger of the other. But in four or eight years, she'll get fed up with the answer to her troubles, pack her bags and retreat back into the promising embrace of the first man.

And the two men are the same every time. One may be coked up, while the other is just drunk, but they are both, in the end, lying and thieving scoundrels who are willing to spend millions of dollars to make the public fall in love with them, whileslinging some nice and filthy mud at the other.

Now I don't want this to come across as an indictment of the two party system we've developed. Not that I support it, but I do have a problem with hackneyed things in general, and the only thing more hackneyed than some fresh-faced leader promising to change the world with a smile and a dream, is a college boy with political thoughts adding another layer of graffiti to some centuries-old institution with his pen.

No, instead I am going to just sort of sit here and watch America get slapped around, because it's not like you can stop her. She loves him, both hims. She loves their multimillion dollar campaigns and how macho they get when around each other. But what really keeps her coming back again and again is the promises. Every politician has his or her collection of lines that make the voters go crazy.

Everyone promises some drastic change that will invariably make the voters happier and prettier. Then in the next four or eight years, those promises are replaced by the former candidate not doing the things they said, and doing things they will never say, not even under oath apparently. In fact, the last time a politician did something he or she said he or she was going to, Larry Craig ended up getting arrested. But deep down beneath all the deceit, and violence these guys really love the voting public, too. Really.

And to anyone else out there in this realm of abstaining and amused apathy, whose occupants are usually referred to as irresponsible, or slackers (though I prefer pragmatic) I say, “Do you prefer kettle corn? Or just plain butter and salt?” Because it may be a rough ride, but it should at least be entertaining.

White is a Colorado Springs, Col., junior in journalism.

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