Tuesday, January 22, 2008
The University of Kansas is constantly looking for ways to continue its tradition of excellence that carries it down the road to success (academic translation: basically, ours is bigger and better than yours). Here are some new year’s resolutions both the university and the students can do to help us better Rock Chalk Jayhawk.
1. Have our basketball team go to the Final Four – Enough said.
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6. Dress appropriately for the weather – If it’s sixty degrees outside, don’t wear Ugg boots. If it’s twenty degrees out, don’t wear Ugg boots. And don’t even think about a mini-skirt with Ugg boots. If it’s cold enough for boots, it’s cold enough for pants.
2. Care about our football team before it starts winning – Now I’m not a fan of Mizzou, but I did like one of their fan’s signs: “Kansas Football: a tradition since September.”
3. Realize there are other sports teams besides basketball and football – Yes, we have other sports teams like baseball, soccer, cross country, and I’ve even heard rumors about a competitive underwater basket weaving team. But it’s not enough to merely recognize their existence. We should also support these teams with our strong fan loyalty: win or lose, we’ll still booze!
4. Actually finish one of two million construction projects on campus – At the current construction rate, by the time a project is finished, even Chancellor Hemengway will have graduated.
5. Not raise student fees for services not everyone uses – Raising student fees to buy handicapped accessible buses is one thing, but raising fees for Safe Buses is another. Not all of us get ridiculously smashed on the weekends; some of us get responsibly smashed.
6. Dress appropriately for the weather – If it’s sixty degrees outside, don’t wear Ugg boots. If it’s twenty degrees out, don’t wear Ugg boots. And don’t even think about a mini-skirt with Ugg boots. If it’s cold enough for boots, it’s cold enough for pants.
7. Read more than the Free For All – Surprisingly, the UDK contains other important news besides the latest Chuck Norris jokes. There is also the Sudoku. Actually, the UDK provides a wide variety of both on and off campus coverage and even has a website, www.kansan.com, which provides students with many ways to interact with paper. Adding the Free For All Facebook application, for example.
8. Quit giving attention to the crazy people on Wescoe Beach – Many of the people on Wescoe Beach are representing a group, running a fundraiser, or trying to raise awareness about important issues. However, raising awareness about my personal damnation does not seem appealing to me for some reason. Apparently, if I support gay people, I’m going to hell. I’m also going to hell for listening to rock n’ roll music and breathing. Basically, if I don’t agree with them, I’m going to hell. These people are purposely trying to provoke students because there main purpose in life is to argue with you and piss you off, or, as they call it, evangelism. The best thing to do is walk away and ignore them. After all, in the end, our salvation is completely based on how many games our basketball teams wins anyway.
9. Find a way to increase parking spaces and decrease parking tickets – Now, I’m an English major, but I think my mathematical logic might be right. If students had more places to park, then there would be less students parking in the wrong lots, and therefore fewer tickets would be issued. I don’t think anyone would have a problem with that, except maybe the KU Parking and Transit Department (motto: Dante’s Inferno did NOT do us justice). They might actually have to start earning money through other means, like honest work.
So let’s put these resolutions into action, grab our excellence, and blaze the trail towards victory! (Academic translation: But first, I’m gonna take a nap).
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Comments
Hartz: KU's New Year's resolutions
I appears that you just don't like UGG boots despite the temperature, but you may find the below facts interesting.
UGG® Australia sheepskin is naturally thermostatic & therefore will keep bare feet warm in temperatures as low as -30°F and cool in temperatures as high as 80°F (Sheepskin will naturally insulate by keeping feet warm in the winter & cool in the summer.)
We linked to your article on our site, and wrote about it in our Hater Alert section.
Ibrahim www.IGotUGGs.com>-
- Posted by lrnarabic on January 22, 2008 at 10:23 p.m.
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