Jayhawk Dirty Talk

Column photo

By Peter Soto

Friday, July 11, 2008

My friend told me that she recently slept with a new boy. She said that when finished, he rolled over, and said something like, “You gotta big one. Hehehehe.” She was mortified. Why would a boy say such a thing? And what was he referring to, the inside or the out? Doesn’t that mean that he’s just too small?

-Labia Majora

Dear Big Lips,

Of course she was mortified. If a girl told me that I had a big one after sex, I would be too. Wait, no I wouldn’t and that should just illustrate a difference between boys and girls that this guy obviously didn’t grasp. I have yet to find a girl who enjoys being told that a part of her anatomy is large compared to the rest of her body. Except maybe breasts, but even in that case, there are very few ways to give that compliment in a tactful way.

As far as questioning his size goes, I don’t know if that is the case. During research for a column I wrote a few weeks back about penis size, I came across a study concerning the size of a woman’s vagina depending on her race. There was a small correlation between race and length of labia. This particular study found that African American women had larger labias than other women. If your friend does happen to be an African American woman, tell her that she shouldn’t be freaked out if she has a little more down stairs than other women this guy has been with. In a way, it sounds like she was more woman than he was used to, and that’s all right.

The size of internal genitalia doesn’t really matter a whole lot cosmetically. You can’t really see it unless you get up there with a flashlight like some sort of cervix-seeking spelunker. The vagina, just like the penis, can double in size when its owner is aroused.

Maybe this failed compliment wasn’t directed toward her. He could have just been informing your friend that she just received a large penis. Narcissism, just like a bad compliment, is not cool.

At least he didn’t say something really terrible like, “You now have the clap, hehehehe.”

Just the same, his big comment was out of line. Tell your friend that she has nothing to worry about other than a taste for men who are not the most eloquent and tactful speakers.

Peter is a Shawnee sophomore in journalism.

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