Guy 1: Hey, man. You know, pink shorts are out of style.
Guy 2: What? No, these are red.
Guy 1: Well, they look pink to me.
Guy 2: Hey, you can’t make fun of these shorts, the ladies love them. I can’t keep them off of me. You wanna borrow them? Give them a try?
Guy 1: No, no. Guys trading clothes is kinda weird.

Guy 1: I should be a Tibetan monk god. I could put that on my business cards.
Guy 2: Yeah, you could be all like, “Do what I say or I’ll shrink your penis.”

Guy 1: I’m thinking of growing a mullet.
Guy 2: Oh, if you do it, you have to do it right. Grow a power mullet—Billy Ray Cyrus style.
Girl: Make it an Achy Breaky mullet.

Girl (on phone): …So I told her I didn’t want to go roller-skating with her anymore, either.

Guy 1: He said the reason he started smoking was because he was out of Red Bulls.
Guy 2: No, I’m pretty sure he has two left in the fridge.
Guy 1: Really?
Guy 2: Yeah, I was gonna buy him some Bawls instead, but Red Bulls were cheaper.
Guy 1: (Snickers) I don’t see how you can say that without laughing.

Girl 1: Have you ever just been sitting in an awkward position and your vagina falls asleep?
Girl 2: Yeah, I know! So weird.
Girl 1: Weird, yet pleasurable. It feels kind of like an orgasm.

Girl: Argh, my stapler broke. I feel like my life is over.
Girl 1: My little brother’s prom was this weekend. I told him not to lose his virginity, and he said he couldn’t promise anything.

Guy: I got a 45 percent.
Girl: I got a 49.
Guy: Baller.

Girl: If you teach me how to flirt, I’ll tell you about jizz.

Girl 1: Some old lady alum are stopping by my sorority later today, and the planner person said they’d want to ask me questions. I asked what type, and her example was, “Like whether or not girls still wear hats to church.”
Girl 2: Did you tell her most girls are too busy shacking to go to church?

Guy 1: I have mono again.
Guy 2: Who’d you get it from this time?
Guy 1: I have no [pause] idea.

Girl 1: How are you?
Girl 2: I’m great, but…
Girl 1: Fantastic!

Guy 1: Did you see Paula on American Idol last night? Crazy.
Girl 1: I totally called it! Right when Ryan introduced the judges, I was like, “Paula looks even more high than usual tonight.”
Guy 1: Nice.