Guy: (on phone) Do you want to get some six packs, smoke some hookah and watch Iron Man?

Girl: If I ever hear you talk about the state of New Jersey again, I’m going to kick your ass.

Girl 1: Can I have a sip of your Coke?

Girl 2: No! I don’t want lice.

Girl 1: So last night my roommate created a fake MySpace so she could stalk her ex.

Girl 2: Yeah, I’ve done that before. It never works out.

Girl: What were you for Halloween?

Guy: I went as the surge.

Girl: What?

Guy: The troop surge. I just acted like a failure all night.

Guy 1: I swear, if I hear one more person talk about Obama today, I’m going to lose it.

Guy 2: Obama.

Guy: What? This guy has a MySpace? Are you allowed to have MySpace if you’re in jail?

Guy 1: (looking at older man) This guy is such a creeper.

Guy 2: Brace yourself. That’s what you’ll look like in 75 years.

Guy 1: I’m fairly confident I’ll be dead by then.

Guy 1: Have you tried that new energy water?

Guy 2: Hell no, man. I don’t even put ice in my water. I’m an all-natural man.

Guy 1: When they announce who won the election, there shouldn’t be any punching matches.

Guy 2: Who would punch matches?

Guy 1: I couldn’t even get my mouth around the burrito. Someone had to cut it up into little pieces for me.

Guy 2: Oh man, that’s depressing.

Girl: Have you watched any of the new American Gladiators?

Guy: Not really. Without mullets, it’s just not as good.