Pope/Snyder: Choose your very own opinion page column

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Pope: Less than a year ago we were standing in your Nikes, dear reader. We sat in the nosebleed section of Budig 110, shifting uncomfortably in our seats trying to stomach the inane rants that crammed the opinion page. And now we’re the ones carrying on that legacy! We’ve come a long way, baby.

Ryan: If our time here has taught us anything, it’s that anyone could do this. We decided to test that theory with a few experiments. Test one included “borrowing” some monkeys from the Kansas City Zoo, putting them in a room with some laptops and waiting for the magic to happen. Unfortunately, they just wrote a bunch of Shakespeare and proceeded to defecate everywhere.

Pope: So we move to Plan B. The following is a carefully constructed Mad Lib rant that we invite you to complete at your leisure. Something making you angry? Simply fill in the blanks with whatever words you deem appropriate and watch as your opinion instantly matters more than anyone else’s. Chances are it will end up better than anything we could have written.

Ryan: Bonus points if you include “Matt Kleinmann” as anything other than a noun.

***

So I was ______ing down ______ the other day when I ______ that the _________ at our local ______ was much too ______. I couldn’t believe it. Full of ______, I decided to ____________. I asked _______ just what the ______ was going on. ______ responded that ____________ and that ______ needed to ______ for ______. I told ______ to kiss my ______, ______ ______ and stormed off. How could someone be so ______? Clearly, I was right and ______ was wrong. Don’t they know that I am an accomplished ______ majoring in ____________? How dare ______.

I was so ______ by my encounter that I decided to ______ about it to ______. They told me to ______. ______, I conducted some research about ______ to prove ______. When I discovered that ______ contradicted my ______, I just went with what I always write about: ______. So what if ______ is old news? Nobody reads this ______ anyway. They only stop by for the ______-for-______, submitted by a bunch of ______ who aren’t worthy of ______ing my ______.

This whole experience has left me feeling ______. No longer will I stand by as my ______ is ______ with such ______. I’ll take my ______ to a place where it will be treated with the ______ it deserves. We’ll see who has the last ______.

Pope: You’re ______.

— Pope is a ______ ______ in ______. Snyder is a ______ ______ in ______.

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